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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, changes in lifestyles and impact on family relationships have become an integral part of modern life, bringing both benefits and challenges.
While
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 some argue that variations in
lifestyle
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 offer numerous advantages, others believe it creates significant drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with a balanced view. One major advantage of changing
lifestyle
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 is that it enhances family
time
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 together, leading to improved family relationships.
For instance
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, the availability of online movies and web series allows individuals to utilise
time
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 with each other, making everyday tasks more efficient. Another significant benefit is changes in well-being, which contributes to a healthy
lifestyle
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 by providing better opportunities to spend
time
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 with family members.
As a result
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, many people experience an improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life. Despite these benefits, changing
lifestyle
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also
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 has its drawbacks. A key issue is living away from families, which can lead to depression and loneliness.
For example
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, the use of the Internet and phones has resulted in weakening relationships. Another disadvantage is the imbalance in the professional and personal life, as people are working all the
time
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 even on vacation, creating long-term problems for family members. These issues highlight the need for proper
time
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 management to minimize negative effects. In conclusion,
while
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 changing
lifestyle
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 offers significant advantages
such
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 as spending
time
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 with family, its drawbacks, including work-life imbalance and the rise to depression and loneliness , should not be ignored. To maximize benefits
while
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 reducing harm, individuals and policymakers should adopt a balanced approach.

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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of changing lifestyles on family relationships. However, you could enhance your essay by further developing some points and providing more specific examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but some points could be expanded for clarity and depth. For instance, when discussing how online movies enhance family time, elaborating on specific scenarios could strengthen your argument and provide more relevance to the point.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that outlines the main topic and positions—the reader can easily understand the focus of your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively included both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced perspective, which is commendable in discussions like these.
coherence and cohesion
The language used is mostly appropriate, with a good variety of vocabulary and grammar. This demonstrates your proficiency in English.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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