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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is more common way to learn history by watching movies instead of reading books. Does the advantages of this ought weight the disadvantages?

Nowadays, one of the widely discussed issues is that watching films is becoming widely accessible to learn a turning point in human
history
Use synonyms
.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement as many find it beneficial
whereas
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 others consider everything associated with drawback. From my point of view, it opens the door to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 more opportunities to remember
history
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. There are a number of significant benefits of movies which assist both elders and adolescents
to know
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in knowing
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 cultural
history
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. It is undeniable that
this
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 way is extremely effective for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 since they are able to find the meaning of historical words and events which must be learned by people
especially
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, especially
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 teenagers.
Besides
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that
Add a comma
that,
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 some kinds of movies
is be
Wrong verb form
are
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 becoming one of the most popular activities to just kill
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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 .
For example
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
youngsters observe films to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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time
Use synonyms
 and learn
history
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 in developed countries
such
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 as Korea. Turning to the other side of the argument, the oblivious disadvantage is that it afflicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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 health significantly.
This
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 means that the radiation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is emitted by devices , effects negatively to humans especially the envision if they have stayed in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
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 for a long
time
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 research, in my
country
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country,
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 many watch movies when they have leisure
time
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 and it
help
Change the verb form
helps
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 them to have fun.
Consequently
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, it can be a cause to
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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of
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apply
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envision ability and to be overweight. In conclusion, having
weighted
Correct your spelling
weighed
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 everything mentioned up , I can come to
conclusion
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the conclusion
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 that many point out films are the best method to go down
history
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. In my opinion, despite
of being
Verb problem
having
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 some disadvantages, it
has
Verb problem
is
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 more advantageous.

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task achievement
Your essay has some good ideas but they need to be clearer. Try to explain your points a bit more and give more examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are organized better. Start each paragraph with a clear main idea and add supporting details.
language
Watch out for grammar and spelling mistakes. Take your time to proofread your writing before finishing.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic you are writing about. That's a good start!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • engagement
  • relatable
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • vivid visuals
  • dramatic storytelling
  • visual and emotional experience
  • historical accuracy
  • potential misconceptions
  • biased view
  • simplification
  • complex historical events
  • limited runtime
  • incomplete understanding
  • historical nuances
  • superficial overview
  • varying perspectives
What to do next:
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