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In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#today’s #world #people #money #appearance #happen #development
Nowadays, looks have become more crucial than any other aspect of one’s life and
therefore
 people are splurging large sums of dollars on cosmetic surgeries and focusing on gaining popularity.
This
 advancement has had negative consequences and the reasons for the same are highlighted in the following paragraphs. With the advancement in medical sciences, cosmetology procedures have gained significant popularity in today’s world resulting in attracting huge crowds.
Additionally
, influential personalities
such
 as popular actors and artists are normalizing
this
 trend by enhancing their on-screen appearances and giving a youthful appeal to their admirers. To illustrate
further
, a survey has been conducted by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations Educational, Science and Cultural Organization, indicating 65 per cent of the adults are willing to opt for treatments that make them appear younger.
Next,
due to
 the adoption of
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture, people are drifting away from their traditions.
Additionally
, fame and materialistic gains have become the symbol of success for many pupils that they believe will be lost if they do not keep their outlook enhanced resulting in the wastage of financial resources. To exemplify, huge spending is being normalized by actresses to get younger-looking perfect skin and features in order to gain continuous work in films and television
thus
 inculcating an inferiority complex in the middle age women around the globe. To summarize,
instead
 of opting for artificial alternatives, one should resort to natural ways of maintaining their body and mind.
This
 not only is a healthy option but
also
 helps in preventing the wastage of financial resources. The elderly should be encouraged to share their life experiences and welcome each phase of life rather than worrying about
such
 superficial issues.
Submitted by mohikabhatia.97 on

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task response
Task Response: The response addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the trend of spending money on appearance and expressing an opinion on its positive or negative nature. However, the response could be more focused and provide a clearer stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a generally logical structure and presents supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more substantial and the essay would benefit from clearer signposts and linking words to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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