"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is said that a good father is the source of inspiration and a good mother is the root of kindness. Without a doubt, child-rearing is a crucial aspect of parents’ lives. As women undergo drastic physiological and emotional changes during their pregnancy, some people believe that mothers are the only responsible ones for bringing the children up.
However
, from my perspective, the traditional family, with both parents providing emotional and financial support, is the most satisfactory way of bringing up children.
To begin
with, nowadays in many countries women
work
outside
homes
Correct pronoun usage
their homes
show examples
to help with the financial status of the family.
For instance
, in
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan
show examples
many female employees
work
full-time, and they are not encouraged to consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pregnancy, for they might leave their
work
during the phase of motherhood to take more care of their newborn.
As a result
, it is argued that the
decisions
Fix the agreement mistake
decision
show examples
of having babies in most parts of the world are mainly made by women, as motherhood has a great influence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
. Another point which is widely considered is the crucial rearing techniques of
fathers
in
families
. Mostly, men plan ahead to be well-prepared and ready for every occasion and crisis.
This
would lead to a happier environment which is appropriate for child-rearing. As an example, if a family considers travelling, the father will plan weeks before, making sure the family members have
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
and adequate facilities during their trip.
In addition
, it is scientifically
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
that men are better at saving money for longer periods, so
fathers
would be a great help to provide financial support for
families
. In conclusion, as far as I’m concerned, fatherhood should be as important as motherhood and both parents are responsible for bringing up children, as many mothers
work
outside the homes just like
fathers
to provide for their
families
.
In addition
,
fathers
have specific techniques which will be crucial in child-rearing.
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Equal Parenting
  • 2. Gender Roles
  • 3. Societal Expectations
  • 4. Emotional Well-being
  • 5. Psychological Development
  • 6. Legal Frameworks
  • 7. Workplace Policies
  • 8. Gender Equality
  • 9. Traditional Responsibilities
  • 10. Active Fatherhood
  • 11. Balanced Development
  • 12. Undue Burden
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