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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays people depend on technology for leisure activities. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #leisure #activities #development
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Technological advancement has encouraged the proliferation of ample high-tech means of recreation. From my perspective,
although
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 some regarded
this
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 phenomenon as positive, I deemed it more detrimental. It goes without saying that the application of
technology
Use synonyms
 in pastime activities is favourable in terms of its diverse categories of entertainment and widespread accessibility. Obviously, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 have a variety of choices regarding the preferred means of entertainment, ranging from films, games or performances.
Thus
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,
this
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 diversification would definitely enrich
people
Use synonyms
's mental and spiritual lives.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 their availability, the widespread accessibility of technological leisure activities has been enhanced.
For example
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,
people
Use synonyms
owing
Verb problem
using
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 digital devices
such
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 as smartphones can access both online and offline games at ease within their convenience.
However
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, I opine that the dependence on
technology
Use synonyms
 for free time amusement is more disadvantageous
due to
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 its adverse impacts on health
as well as
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 on intimate relationships in a community. Regarding the former, it is true that recreational activities based on
technology
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 mostly require
people
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 to sit for long periods of time, which promotes a sedentary lifestyle.
As a consequence
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, the number of individuals suffering from eye strain or obesity has increased significantly. Concerning the second drawback, the high level of participation in technological entertainment poses the risk of reducing the quality of face-to-face interaction, thereby damaging the strong bond among
people
Use synonyms
 including friends and family. In conclusion, the increasing reliance on
technology
Use synonyms
 for recreation is beneficial in terms of its variety
as well as
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 accessibility.
However
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, I take the view that related health issues and
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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of harming
Change preposition
to harm
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 interpersonal relationships are worth more concern.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganh64195123 on

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Task Response
The essay provides a complete and well-articulated response to the task question, expressing both positive and negative views. Ensure to present a clear and balanced argument, and make sure to address all aspects of the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, with clear progression from one idea to the next. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit in presenting the writer's standpoint. The supporting points are well-developed, but more cohesive devices could be used for smoother transitions between ideas.
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