IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Television has diminished the free time of people. It can make people lazy and not socialize with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #time #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few decades, television has been the main source of entertainment for everyone. While many
people
Use synonyms
 use it to relax or enjoy
Correct pronoun usage
it during
show examples
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their free
time
Use synonyms
, others believe that it has eaten up
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 and has made them lethargic. I wholeheartedly agree with the latter one, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on why it has diminished
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
 and how it is making
people
Use synonyms
 lazy. In recent times, television has become an addiction for almost everyone. In
this
Linking Words
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
show examples
fast moving
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
show examples
 and hectic life, everybody looks for a quick source of entertainment which is provided by the
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
. Over a period of
time
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 get connected with the content being consumed and do not even realize that they spend almost all of their free
time
Use synonyms
 in front of it. It has become a vicious cycle that the more they consume,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 will be their addiction to stick to their screens, which leaves no
time
Use synonyms
 for their family or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal hobbies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the introduction of over-the-top content from the platforms like Netflix,
people
Use synonyms
 have reduced socializing which is making
people
Use synonyms
 lazy. Earlier,
for instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 used to go out on weekends to enjoy
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
show examples
 their family and friends,
however
Linking Words
, now everyone is
leaned
Wrong verb form
leaning
show examples
 toward the culture of
binge watching
Add a hyphen
binge-watching
show examples
 where they complete the whole series of content in a single go.
This
Linking Words
 has led to various mental health concerns like stress and anxiety, which
subsequently
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in lethargic behaviour. In conclusion, just like any other thing in
this
Linking Words
 world, television has its own boons and banes. If it is consumed for a limited period of
time
Use synonyms
, it could be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent source of entertainment,
however
Linking Words
, its
Correct your spelling
prolonged
prolongued
Correct your spelling
prolonged
 use can be very dangerous and may negatively impact one's quality of life.
Submitted by amanmalik640 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: