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Band 5.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #life #luck
It is true that the majority of
people
 believe
luck
 is the main ingredient of success.
Although
 not everyone will side with me in
this
 regard, I entirely disagree with the statement. Those whose position is contrary to mine come up with a couple of reasons to justify the position they hold.
First
 and foremost, they believe that It is comfortable to think that everything depends on fortune.
Therefore
,
people
 believe in lotteries, and
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 because It is
lifestyle
Correct pronoun usage
their lifestyle
show examples
 of them.
For instance
, I have a neighbour,
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 has passed his exam and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
studies at university,
however
, he did not prepare for the exam but he has been successful.
In addition
 to
this
, they argue that
luck
Add a missing verb
is and
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 essential element as we can see everywhere how
people
 are achieving their goals without hard-working. Sometimes one lazy
person
 succeeds out of a hundred.
Nonetheless
, some
people
 see
this
person
 and generalize the situation saying that everything depends on
luck
. The majority of
people
 prefer to turn a blind eye to them. Even though I see their position, It is not solid enough to convince me that I am wrong. Turning to my opinion regarding the matter, I have three reasons for my substantiation.
Firstly
, a
person
 who works hard can achieve all their goals.
For example
, my brother loves working hard, and he attempts to do all the best things for everyone,
that is
 why he has everything.
Secondly
, If a
person
 waits for fortune, he will drastically lose
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
everything. When you have a target you should
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 them,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that you can get it. The great writer Paulo Coelho said: " When you want something all the universe conspires in helping you achieve It."
Finally
,
people
 should be realistic because they do not attention to
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 hard to do the best things.After all,
luck
 is not realistic,
people
 ought to learn to earn money in their spheres since
this
 is life
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 a toy! On the basis of everything that has been articulated, I confidently express my disagreement with the statement albeit, the
skepticism
Change the spelling
scepticism
show examples
 of some.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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