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Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
Nowadays, there are many countries that turn their
society
 to become
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
show examples
society
 because the number of elderly
people
 increases. In order to improve, manage, and develop
this communities
Change the determiner
this community
these communities
show examples
 to turn into elderly communities.
This
 essay will explain how to
managed
Change the form of the verb
manage
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and give
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 additional opinion. While the
government
 focus on developing the community to
Correct your spelling
sufficient
Add a missing verb
be suffient
show examples
suffient
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 for elderly
people
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a field of thing that there need to
Add a missing verb
be concentrated
show examples
concentrated
Change the form of the verb
concentrate
show examples
 on it. At the present, the landscape of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 is not appropriate for
people
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
lot
 of broken footpath
that is
 not convenient for wheelchair users. To emphasize
this
 problem, there are a
lot
 of steps when they want to cross the street. Though there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
lot
 of
crosswalk
Change to a plural noun
crosswalks
show examples
 that they are able to
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
, the legal punishment
is not
Rewrite the sentence
is hardly
is not
show examples
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not make
people
scare
Wrong verb form
scared
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it.
Thus
, before we think of elderly
society
 improvement, we have to improve human life quality.
On the other hand
, the medical and health care service
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not enough for every elderly person.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 hospitals in Thailand become popular
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 foreigners, there are a
lot
 of
people
 who do not have enough money for spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
treatment.
This
 is the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to control the treatment price
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 make everyone can easily
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the payment.
In addition
, the
government
 need to excrete the hospital
to be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 sufficient
Correct your spelling
for
fot
Correct your spelling
for
 every user. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
lot
 of
patient
Change to a plural noun
patients
show examples
 that have to
awake
Correct your spelling
wake
show examples
 early to get
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 treatment queue.
Hence
, if there are a
lot
 of
hospital
Change to a plural noun
hospitals
show examples
,
Add an article
the patient
a patient
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 will easily access to get the health care service. In conclusion,
during
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the number of elderly
people
 increases, the
government
 need to
concern
Add a missing verb
be concern
show examples
 for improve our country to become
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
show examples
society
.
This
 essay explained the way to
managed
Change the form of the verb
manage
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly communities with landscape and health care improvement.
Submitted by kamolivia13081999 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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