Some people believe that young people benefit from working while studying at school or university. Others think that young people will achieve more by focussing on their studies. Discuss both of the view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. days?

#people #benefit #school #university #studies #points

There are split opinions regarding

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whether

wether

wethear

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whether

the youths should work while they are attending

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

university

or devote themselves

studying

Change preposition

to studying

show examples

. I believe that if they get

Add the particle

to engage

show examples

engage

Wrong verb form

engaged

show examples

in different jobs, they will get a better understanding of

the

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apply

show examples

life and practical subject that have already learned. On the one hand, the youths that get involved in different

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

jobs

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will enhance their social skills. It is

undoutable

Correct your spelling

undeniable

, that the youngsters getting to know people from outside their friend's circle, will broaden their horizons.

this

is because,making

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acquaintance

acquitance

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acquaintance

with

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different

diffrent

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different

personality and characters, help the youth,that

are

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show examples

lack of soft skills,to understand and learn how to communicate and to react

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apply

show examples

when they get into a new group.

moreover

, the working experience they get from

part

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part-time

show examples

time

job, while they are studying, it is

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show examples

gold

Replace the word

golden

show examples

opportunity for their future career.Due to the stiff

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competition

competiton

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competition

the

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apply

show examples

employers expect

from

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apply

show examples

university

graduates to have experience, when they get the job. The lack of

time

, do not permit the firm to invest

time

and energy

learning

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in learning

show examples

new worker

such

as how to manage the

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

therefore

, the small working experience

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apply

show examples

is beneficial for the youth.

On the other hand

, the syllabus is getting

everyday

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every day

show examples

more busy and full, which

Correct subject-verb agreement

does

show examples

not enable the teens to have leisure

time

and

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apply

show examples

working

this

may lead to neglect

their

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of their

show examples

studies.there is a tremendous burden that the students have to shoulder when it comes to the subjects they have to study. Realising the importance of being diligent and the

Add a hyphen

cut-throat

show examples

cut throat

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cutthroat

show examples

competition, they have to learn harder and

as a result

do not have

time

to unwind

their

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from their

show examples

stress, which may cause even nervous breakdowns.

In addition

, money is the

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drug

show examples

drog

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drug

show examples

we all are addicted

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to, gaing

show examples

Correct your spelling

gaining

going

gaing

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gaining

the sense of money, they may find

easier

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it easier

show examples

to drop out the

university

, and work to earn their living.

For example

, in

romania

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Romania

show examples

, the authorities are struggling to find solutions for youths that are preferring a new path to obtain money

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apply

show examples

and

quite

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quit

show examples

their studies. In conclusion,

although

working while

the

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apply

show examples

college or

university

period is

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beneficial

benefical

Correct your spelling

beneficial

for some people,

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show examples

still believe that they should focus on their studies.

Submitted by dr.lurabraga on Sat Nov 26 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

358 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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