Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?

In the present age, public concern has arisen around the issue of the high use of computer games by adolescents. Many medics assume that a large amount of not only physical
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
mental problems may occur through
this
harmful habit.
This
essay will examine the main bad outcomes of cyberspace games and discover solutions to
this
dilemma.
First
of all, through excessive use of computer entertainment a sedentary lifestyle is being progressed, leading to a lack of a child’s physical activity. Due to the lesser amount of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
Add a comma
,activities
show examples
a juvenile’s immune system would decrease in its working quality, as well as the poor condition of bone and muscle structures.
For example
, nowadays, a modern kid would choose an engrossing game on the net rather than a sporty one with their friends, inclining more health problems.
Moreover
, it might occur that young people would underperform socially. The rise of addiction to technical devices may develop adolescents' inability to socialize with their peers, harming one’s speaking skills and ability to interact with the world.
For instance
, in our technically revolutionary
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
most children choose a cyber way to communicate with others, forgetting the value of face-to-face interaction.
However
, there is something we are able to do to prevent these harms. Most importantly, we are obligated to promote a more active lifestyle through
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
programmes. Schools should include daily physical entertainment with a sense of competition to encourage kids to take part
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
itin
show examples
. The other essential solution is the idea of social events for students.
For example
, festivals or parties with their pals would create a great impact on one’s social behaviour. All in all, computer games are indeed harmful to young people, encouraging a sedentary lifestyle and poor social skills.
Nevertheless
, the bad impact of
this
dilemma can be reduced by not only engrossing physical
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
social events at school.
Submitted by dominikskorbus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: