IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. to what extent do you agree?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
There exists a statement
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
claiming
Change the form of the verb
claimed
show examples
 that popular media faces' coverage has
an only disadvantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
only disadvantages
an only disadvantage
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. I personally disagree with
this
kind
 of viewpoint, because of
illogical
Add an article
the illogical
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 problem and
Correct your spelling
control
central
Correct article usage
the contral
show examples
contral
Correct your spelling
control
 arguments of groups of
people
 who are defending
this
 opinion. It is needless to say
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 life of the ambitious person is some
kind
 of motivation to a crowd. Society is giving
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 status of untouchable legends
whom
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 deeds are great
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
.
That is
 why many
people
 are becoming
a copycats
Correct the article-noun agreement
a copycat
copycats
show examples
 of those "stars". Renowned idols, by
mention
Add an article
the mention
show examples
 of many
people
, are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
prototypes for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation and almost every child is acting like their favourite person.
However
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
everyone
show examples
 should stay in
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 of everybody that no one takes a responsibility for teaching their
children
 and words like "media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
" is actually pointless, got no clarity, got no worthy idea to be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
truthful.
Also
, some
people
 might say that
newest
Correct article usage
the newest
show examples
Correct your spelling
generation
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
 could do something bad or even criminal
action
Replace the word
activity
show examples
 to get
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
awareness on social sites.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is real:
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 "Drive" is a perfect example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
kind
 of "unusual"
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In
this
film
,
protagonist
Add an article
the protagonist
show examples
 of the story is a normal and pretty simple schoolboy whose dream is becoming more popular
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Facebook and Instagram.
Plot
Add an article
The plot
A plot
show examples
 of
this
film
 is chaotic, full of blood and
spine chilling
Add a hyphen
spine-chilling
show examples
, because,
this
film
 from 2018 was reviewed by critics like "violent creature"
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 IMDb and other sites. Despite
this
 fact, everyone should keep in mind that
this
film
 is fictional and mostly happening "real-life terror stories" are caused by neither celebrities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nor other popular faces. Responsibility is lying on the shoulders of the doer of
action
Add an article
the action
show examples
 and
that is
 a fact. All in all, it is pretty absurd that somebody really thinks that celebrities are becoming the cause of negative effect for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
 while they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zero relation to
this
kind
 of
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
.
Submitted by bekeyeva_a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: