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Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computer #effects #children #reason
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It is true that
compture
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capture
computer
 has
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brought
brough
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brought
 with it significant consequences,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
at
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for
show examples
 the
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
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.I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. In the above
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain my point of view. The negative effects that are caused by using
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 for long hours are numerous.
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Firstly
First
Fistly
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Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers, who prefer playing video games, are
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predisposed
predispose
predispouse
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predisposed
 to have a sedentary life.
This
Linking Words
 is because, they stay inside rather than doing outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as playing basketball,
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football
Correct word choice
and fotball
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fotball
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football
, communicating
face to
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face-to
show examples
 face with their friends and so on.needless to say, while they are spending their free time in front of the
computer
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, they
are tempt
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are tempted
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 to eat junk food namely chocolate, fried
patatos
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potatoes
potato
 etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being unsupervised by their parents, who are working long hours to compete in
this
Linking Words
 stiff work competition, the risk of talking online with
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strangers
stangers
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strangers
 and even
pedophiles
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paedophiles
show examples
 is extremely increased. Due to
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their
the
them
thei
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their
 immaturity, they cannot distinguish the evilness and the mental illness of certain adults.
for example
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, in
romania
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Romania
show examples
the
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apply
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studies have shown that nearly half of
the
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apply
show examples
teenagers fall
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parade
prade
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prey
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
pedophilism
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paedophilia
paedophiles
. one more important reason is that children neglect their studies, in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of playing online. the temptation of playing rather than doing their homework or learning is much higher, in
this
Linking Words
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immature
mature
imature
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immature
 period of their lives.as a consequence they remain behind their colleague which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their future.
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researchers
reserchers
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Researchers
 have found that the usage of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, declines
with
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by
show examples
 20%
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 period allocated for
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
. in conclusion,
although
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 the benefits of the
computer
Use synonyms
 should not be undervalued,
such
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 as
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters to strengthen
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge better,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 still believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers should not be used for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term and without the supervision of their parents.
Submitted by dr.lurabraga on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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