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Band 5.5

Young people spend too much money on expensive fashion brands and gadgets these days, many of which are not necessary. To what extent do you agree?

#people #money #fashion #brands #gadgets
Wasting
money
 on luxury famous brands and devices is a common problem for
people
 all over the world, especially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters.
Moreover
, the thing is that they do not really need all these expensive items. From my point of view, we come across
this
 situation very often nowadays. Despite the high price of
fashion
Replace the word
fashionable
show examples
 clothes, young
people
 are ready to buy them, because they think that being stylish gives them self-confidence and attractiveness.
For instance
, my group-mate considered that her success depended on
the
Change the word
her
show examples
 appearance,
therefore
 she took a loan for buying trendy and fashionable shoes and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 coat made by Dolce and Gabbana. She was very excited to put them on and demonstrate
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 us, but very few students could really evaluate them.
However
, not only are youngsters influenced by clothes brands, but they
also
 consider new different gadgets sources of becoming more popular
such
 as iPhones. According to the statistics, every
third
Change preposition
of human
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 who wanted to buy a smartphone just after its
realize
Replace the word
realisation
show examples
 had to borrow
money
 for
this
 purchase. In spite of the high price of a new iPhone, young
people
 are ready to wait in a huge queue and spend a lot of
money
 for
this
 unnecessary purchase, thinking that with
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 device they will be able to become a leader in their classes, groups or other communities, but very often we can see that
this
 suggestion does not come to reality. In conclusion, I totally agree that young
people
 spend too much
money
 buying fashionable brands and gadgets nowadays.
This
 is a common problem for many youngsters due to the fact that
such
 things cost more than
people
 could earn and in many
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 they are not necessary for them.
Submitted by alex.i.leontev on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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