IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Virtual reality has beenaajor breakthrough in technology. However like theadvent of smartphones many people have become so engrossed in it that theytend to ignorethe outside world.

Some
people
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 believe that virtual
reality
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 has made individuals anti-
socialI
Correct your spelling
social
 I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, since there is no face-to-face communication due to virtual
reality
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, and excessive use of the
internet
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 can lead to the abandonment of the family. Many
people
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 find it easier to communicate through the
internet
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. They prefer to discuss over WhatsApp, Viber or other apps available on the
internet
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 but talking to face-face communication helps build mutual trust when you communicate on the
internet
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,
this
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 trust may not exist. It is the biggest reason why many
people
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 can not talk with another person in real life. When young
people
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 use of
Internet
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 too much, the abandonment of the family will occur as one of the negative effects of social media.
People
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 who spend most of their time surfing the
Internet
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,
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apply
show examples
 can become insensitive to real life and
people
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 around them, including members of their family. The most appropriate example for
this
Linking Words
 is the young couple in Korea because they were so busy with their virtual baby and forget about their real baby.
Finally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 poor baby died of hunger. In concluding of
this
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 paragraph, I want to say that
people
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 may become so engrossed in virtual
reality
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 that they tend to ignore the outside world. Including these main reasons, it can be concluded, that virtual
reality
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 has had many impacts on the world and the individuals that live in it.One of those
i
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I
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,pacs is a social aspect. Virtual
reality
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 has made
people
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 addicted to it

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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