IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more important to plant trees in open areas of town and cities than to build more housing . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, a group of people believe that growing green fields is more crucial than increasing houses in open regions in urban areas. I subscribe to
this
Linking Words
 idea owing to the fact that
this
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 development creates a chance for urbanizations to have clean
air
Use synonyms
 and places for entertainment and exercise. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that when the number of woodlands in cities increases,
then
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 the quality of
air
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 will improve.
In other words
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, trees are the main items that can obtain Carbon Dioxide and Monoxide carbon, the gases that vehicles emit and the factors of
air
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 pollution, and generate Oxygens, the green gas.
For instance
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, the main method that the article suggests to governments around the world to solve the
air
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 pollution obstacle is planting in open areas and on roofs of buildings.
On the other hand
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, parks are the best choices that aid populations to have a good place for picnicking with their family on their holidays, relaxing,or playing sports.
As a result
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, these districts prevent the community from mental issues and improve family boundaries.
Additionally
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, they have a positive effect on physical health inasmuch as they lead people to far from sedentary lifestyles and spend some time playing sports that they like. To illustrate, in the morning, most of the parks across the world are full of communities that exercise or do meditation.
To sum up
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, construction can solve the accommodation issues but the essential factor in the new era
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is enhancing the quality of people's lives by planting trees. Because they provide an opportunity for urbanization to have fresh
air
Use synonyms
 and reduce their mental and physical problems when they spend time with family,themselves, or playing sports.

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task achievement
Consider improving the clarity of your ideas by providing more detailed explanations and connections between your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your essay by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
You have a clear position in your introduction, which helps the reader understand your viewpoint from the beginning.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the benefits of parks for physical health, effectively support your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental sustainability
  • biodiversity
  • aesthetic value
  • recreational areas
  • community engagement
  • physical well-being
  • mental health
  • urban planning
  • housing shortages
  • long-term benefits
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