IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with otherold people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the famiy?

#britain #someone #home #otherold #people #nurses #government #care #famiy
Nowadays,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 of
britain
Change the capitalization
Britain
show examples
 is taking so much tax in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to other countries. But it
Correct your spelling
does not
doesn't
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
 mean
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they should borrow
such
 type of expense.
As today's
Change preposition
Today's
show examples
 generation have to take attention
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 kind of situation. Because if
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 will take any kind of
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
then
 they cannot focus on other development.
As per
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are
Correct your spelling
responsible
resposibile
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for paying
charges
Correct article usage
the charges
show examples
 for
this
 and I want to
Correct your spelling
recommend
recommended
recommanded
Correct your spelling
recommend
 that caring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 parents is
duty
Add an article
the duty
show examples
 of children because their parents are not to take
oldiage
Correct your spelling
old-age
old age
 home in
Correct your spelling
presence
Correct article usage
the presense
show examples
presense
Correct your spelling
presence
 of their children.
This
 is
Correct your spelling
their
the
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 duty that they have to
Correct your spelling
fulfil
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 own pocket.
On the other hand
, in
oldage
Correct your spelling
old age
home
Add a comma
,home
show examples
 there are
nueses
Correct your spelling
nurses
nuances
Correct your spelling
available
avilable
Correct your spelling
available
 on free of charge as
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must pay
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
, but they may not complete our
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 need as they wish.
Moreover
,
Correct your spelling
government
governments
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
also
 so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 other development
work
Fix the agreement mistake
works
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
so
government
 should not take their
complain
Replace the word
complaint
show examples
 seriously.
Secondly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
burden
Add an article
the burden
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people who
real
Replace the word
really
show examples
 need
such
 kind of help.
For example
, If someone
loss
Replace the word
loses
show examples
 their children or life partner so they need help who can take care of them. As their age may be more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 60 years above
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a result they cannot do personal work.
Correct your spelling
Finally
Final
Finaly
Correct your spelling
Finally
,
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a result,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is not
Correct your spelling
responsible
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for all
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
. If any needy people want help
then
 they can ask authorities to help them.
Submitted by yashpatel9089 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: