IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe citizens should be allowed to carry handguns in order to protect themselves, while others think this can lead to many social security problems in the society.What's your opinion? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

#people #citizens #handguns #security #society #support
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In many countries, laws are quite flexible to let ordinary individuals carry firearms
while
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 in many other
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 it is quite hard to get a license, even for a notable person, to own a
gun
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.It is often said that when a state or
country
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 allows its citizens to carry weapons, the
crime
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 and
violence
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 rates increase there and I quite agree with
this
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 statement.
First,
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guns
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 are meant to
shot
Wrong verb form
shoot
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 someone either to wound or kill him.
Thus
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 the very objective of a
gun
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 is to kill a person and
thus
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this
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 deathly weapon can only increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime
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 and
violence
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 in a society.To understand how the mass ownership of
guns
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 can increase the
violence
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 in a
country
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 we can compare a
country
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 like the USA, where carrying a
gun
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 is allowed, with a
country
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 like Japan, where it is restricted.
Second,
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research indicates that owning and carrying a
gun
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 can psychologically affect our behaviours and
thus
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 people often commit crimes only because they have
guns
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 with them, especially where people can carry
guns
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 with them, and the only way to reduce
such
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crime
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 rate is to restrict the ownership of
guns
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. In conclusion, the only reason the authority would permit someone to carry a
gun
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 is to ensure the safety of
this
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 person.
However
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, the reality is quite contrary and allowing people to carry
guns
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 is actually letting criminals
also
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won
Wrong verb form
win
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 it, it would significantly decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 and
violence
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ilkhomjon.uralov97 on

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task response
The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic and presents arguments to support it. However, some points could be further developed to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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