IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Correct your spelling
These days
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
, The trend of
people
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 moving to abrood or metro
cities
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
migrating
people
Use synonyms
. The
government
Use synonyms
 plays
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 different countries and community's
people
Use synonyms
 live together. I will give
Add an article
a reason
the reason
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 moving
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
 and
cities
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 explain the role of
government
Use synonyms
 in
ensuing
Correct article usage
the ensuing
show examples
 paragraphs.
Body paragraph 2
To being with, there are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 moving to abroad or
metrocities
Correct your spelling
metro cities
atrocities
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have
Add an article
a
show examples
good
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for education and
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
. So, youngsters
are migrate
Change the verb form
are migrating
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 countries and metro
cities
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
For example
Linking Words
,
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,
that is
Linking Words
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
moving
Change the verb form
to move
show examples
 to Canada because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 better
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and good
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the Canadian
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 give some scholarship and
other benefit
Change the wording
another benefit
other benefits
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international students.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 plays
vital
Add an article
the vital
a vital
show examples
 role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 managing. It is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 task to manage all
communities
Change noun form
community's
communities'
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
so people
show examples
 to live together harmoniously.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 provide
facilities
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 who migrate
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other countries or
cities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 free of charge health care
facilities
Use synonyms
, educational
facilities
Use synonyms
 and many more.
For instance
Linking Words
, The United Kingdom
government
Use synonyms
 should provide international students and
migrate
Replace the word
migrant
show examples
people
Use synonyms
free
Change preposition
with free
show examples
 service of health care and
also
Linking Words
 give
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international students.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
 to metro
cities
Use synonyms
 and abroad for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 better future that the
government
Use synonyms
 should support
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
Use synonyms
facilities
Change to a singular noun
facility
show examples
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmopolitan
  • inclusive policies
  • cultural exchange
  • integration
  • community centers
  • anti-discrimination
  • awareness campaigns
  • support systems
  • diversity
  • equal opportunities
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