IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#weddings #reason #development
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Undoubtedly, lavish marriages have been fashionable
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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However
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, in my ,opinion it is a negative development. As it is
Correct article usage
a wastage
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wastage
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waste
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 of money that people earn by working hard.
This
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 essay intends to explicate my views by taking instances to demonstrate the point and prove arguments. Many folks make weddings even more high cost for multifarious reasons. The most predominant factor is the desire to show off their wealth. To be more exact, the marriage function is an exhibition to reveal their financial status to society so they spend over the amount of cash.
Moreover
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, many people
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
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 their capital in inheritance so they exaggerate the use of their money.
For example
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,Ambani the famous business tycoon from India spent a lot on his daughter's wedding by inviting world-class celebrities to entertainment.
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consequently
Capitalize word
Consequently
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,it was a matter of page three for a
while
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 .
Furthermore
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, many folks imitate well-settled communities,as they believe that marriage is a paramount significant part of life. For , they loan huge amounts from banks just to show their false pride, and
as a result
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,as a , a result they spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
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debt life for many years by sacrificing their needs.
Thus
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, making weddings spendy is not a good idea.
Conversely
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, I have a few points to support my arguments. The first and foremost factor is to increase the dowry system. To be more precise, spending over a number of wealth allure towards the dowry system has not only a negative impact but
also
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 leads to bankruptcy in some cases.
For instance
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, many people sell their property to marry their daughter or son without thinking foreseen
subsequently
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, if any sudden emergency occurs they do not have the cash to sort it out.
In other words
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, it makes society greedy and materialistic where only capital matters to them rather than relations.
Hence
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,it is a curse on the community. In conclusion, I tend to reiterate that spending an extra amount of capital is a waste of wealth
instead
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 of wasting the amount of money we save for our future needs.
Submitted by misbahamzahir8 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It is important to have a well-structured introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. However, it would benefit from a clearer and more comprehensive response to the task, with a more focused organization of ideas and a clear position on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish
  • extravagant
  • nuptials
  • matrimony
  • social status
  • opulence
  • milestone
  • financial leverage
  • debt
  • peer pressure
  • consumerism
  • showcase event
  • ceremonial splendor
  • bridal extravaganza
  • market forces
  • commercialization
  • budgeting
  • social comparison
  • destinal wedding
  • event planning
  • wedding vendors
  • loan
  • prestige
  • economic impact
  • mandatory spending
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