IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

#countries #weight #people #level #fitness
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Nowadays, there is
great
Add an article
a great
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 discussion about whether
many
Change preposition
in many
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 countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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average
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an average
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weight
 of body rising and their level of fitness
are
Change the verb form
is
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 falling. Many
people
 there is nothing wrong with
this
 action but in
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 portion
popullation
Correct your spelling
population
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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otherwise
. In
this
Correct your spelling
essay
Correct your spelling
essay
eassay
Add a comma
,eassay
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 I will discuss
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
show examples
 and
solve
Replace the word
solution
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 of
people
 increasing
weight
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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following
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the following
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 paragraph. On the one hand, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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Correct your spelling
associated
assosiated
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associated
 with
weight
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the weight
a weight
show examples
of
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apply
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rising and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 fitness
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreasing. In fact, the most
effect
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effective
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the heath
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heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is of
food
 that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 having
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example,
people
the
Correct article usage
apply
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significantly eat out with
food
 from deep oil as junk
food
 is the best choice of
food
 that many ones obsessed with that.
Moreover
, another cause of
people
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 fat that there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sitting and working. there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 various
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 a career in the office or at the moment, we
are work
Change the verb form
are working
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 from home due to covid-19.
However
, that was
the
Correct article usage
an
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 impact
to
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on
show examples
people
 have not
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 or any work out so, the thing is
have
Change the verb form
to have
having
show examples
 a problem with
legs
Correct pronoun usage
their legs
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 and have
a
Remove the article
apply
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fat in
belly
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the belly
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.
On the other hand
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
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weight
Add an article
the weight
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 of
people
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing and their level of fitness
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreasing. the main thing of rising up the body or fat. As a reason, the
food
 that you have you necessary to select to having
food
 from the previous for
Correct your spelling
example
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
, change
food
 to more
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
 because it will assist you to good body and
strong
Replace the word
strength
show examples
. Moving to the
Correct your spelling
further
future
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 of solving way those need to work out as much as
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can do due to
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is fundamental
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 wellness and make you have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
muscle and
relexed
Correct your spelling
relaxed
. In conclusion, as I represent with my argument
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
of effect and solution there
are have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Add an article
a way
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to both
improvement
Change to a plural noun
improvements
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such
 as
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
 of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
weight
 was increasing impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the way that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
eat
Change the form of the verb
eating
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
.
Although
, which is methods to reduce
this
 situation is
people
 should back to care
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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