IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

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Nowadays, there is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 discussion about whether
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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average
Add an article
an average
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 of body rising and their level of fitness
are
Change the verb form
is
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 falling. Many
people
Use synonyms
 there is nothing wrong with
this
Linking Words
 action but in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 portion
popullation
Correct your spelling
population
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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otherwise
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
Correct your spelling
essay
eassay
Add a comma
,eassay
show examples
 I will discuss
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
show examples
 and
solve
Replace the word
solution
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 increasing
weight
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
following
Change the article
the following
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 paragraph. On the one hand, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
Correct your spelling
associated
assosiated
Correct your spelling
associated
 with
Use synonyms
weight
Add an article
the weight
a weight
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rising and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 fitness
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreasing. In fact, the most
effect
Replace the word
effective
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the heath
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heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is of
food
Use synonyms
 that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 having
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example,
people
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significantly eat out with
food
Use synonyms
 from deep oil as junk
food
Use synonyms
 is the best choice of
food
Use synonyms
 that many ones obsessed with that.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another cause of
people
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 fat that there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sitting and working. there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 various
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 a career in the office or at the moment, we
are work
Change the verb form
are working
show examples
 from home due to covid-19.
However
Linking Words
, that was
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have not
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 or any work out so, the thing is
have
Change the verb form
to have
having
show examples
 a problem with
legs
Correct pronoun usage
their legs
show examples
 and have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fat in
belly
Add an article
the belly
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
weight
Add an article
the weight
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing and their level of fitness
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreasing. the main thing of rising up the body or fat. As a reason, the
food
Use synonyms
 that you have you necessary to select to having
food
Use synonyms
 from the previous for
Correct your spelling
example
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
, change
food
Use synonyms
 to more
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
 because it will assist you to good body and
strong
Replace the word
strength
show examples
. Moving to the
Correct your spelling
further
future
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 of solving way those need to work out as much as
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can do due to
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is fundamental
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 wellness and make you have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
muscle and
relexed
Correct your spelling
relaxed
. In conclusion, as I represent with my argument
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
of effect and solution there
are have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Add an article
a way
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to both
improvement
Change to a plural noun
improvements
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 was increasing impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the way that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
eat
Change the form of the verb
eating
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, which is methods to reduce
this
Linking Words
 situation is
people
Use synonyms
 should back to care
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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