IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is ongoing contention whether
music
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in strengthening
people
Use synonyms
’s relationships regardless of their
cultures
Use synonyms
 and
age
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will completely agree with the view that
music
Use synonyms
 is a great instrument to
further
Linking Words
 facilitate human connections, as
music
Use synonyms
 can cater to a wide range of
people
Use synonyms
’s preferences
as well as
Linking Words
 cultural differences.
To begin
Linking Words
, any type of
music
Use synonyms
 has the potential to attract
people
Use synonyms
 no matter what
age
Use synonyms
 they are currently at. To elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 point,
although
Linking Words
 there is a huge generation gap between parents and their children, particular
music
Use synonyms
 might appeal to all of them. Drawing on my experience, I used to be obsessed with a Japanese song that my parents would play in my teenage years, resulting in forming a closer relationship
due to
Linking Words
 the common ground.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 could be one of the key ingredients to spur a relationship even if a wide
age
Use synonyms
 gap were to be observed. Another crucial aspect of
music
Use synonyms
 is its connection with culture.
In other words
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 is often likely to represent the core part of culture in a country. Taking Colombia
for example
Linking Words
, a certain type of
music
Use synonyms
 called Salusa is used for a variety of social occasions or parties. In their culture,
music
Use synonyms
 and dance are regarded as equally important as verbal communication.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, were
people
Use synonyms
 in a social gathering not to share any languages and
cultures
Use synonyms
, they would be able to establish a relationship with one another as long as
people
Use synonyms
 are in favour of dance and
music
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I am completely on board with the perspective that
music
Use synonyms
 has the power to connect
people
Use synonyms
 who are in a different
age
Use synonyms
 group and
cultures
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 stems from the differences in
people
Use synonyms
’s preferences towards
music
Use synonyms
 and the strong interconnection with
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow and structure to connect ideas more cohesively throughout the essay. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While addressing the task, make certain that the response is well-developed with substantial arguments, clear examples, and that it thoroughly addresses all parts of the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: