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Band 5

Life now is better than it was 100 years ago. To what extend do you agree?

#life #years
Many
people
 advocate that present life circumstances are better than they used to be a century ago
which
Correct word choice
and
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 I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 phenomenon. Thanks to improved technology hospitals offer better health care to society and faster transportation systems made
travels
Correct subject-verb agreement
travel
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 shorter than before.
In addition
, the invention of the Internet
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
people
 to learn everything without spending long our in libraries and keep in touch without waiting
arrival
Add an article
the arrival
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 of letters for months. In our contemporary era, thanks to technological developments, many medical
equipments
Change the wording
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 are invented
such
 as hemogram devices which count
blood
Correct article usage
the blood
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 cells of
people
 in seconds.
However
, in the past doctors had to
blood
Add a missing verb
do blood
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 tests manually by spending days and patients had to suffer until
then
 to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
treatment.
On the contrary
, nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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patients can be diagnosed and treated in hours thanks to better medical attention in present circumstances.
Furthermore
,
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the past
Correct your spelling
lengths
lights
lenghts
Correct your spelling
length
 of
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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 increased significantly with the help of faster transportation systems
such
 as faster trains and planes.
In other words
, if individuals desire to visit another country, they do not have to waste months
so as
Correct word choice
apply
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to arrive in another country due to airways.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that after the invention of the Internet
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 conditions get more advantageous than ever. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illustration, members of society can learn any information online via computers without searching
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 books which were limited numbers as sources for days in public libraries.
Furthermore
, 100 years ago,
people
 had to post letters in order to communicate with their loved ones even if one letter took numerous weeks to be read by
receiver
Correct article usage
the receiver
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 since there was no alternative method. But with the Internet
people
 can keep in touch by sending e-mails and text messages via smartphones which is more advantageous than previous ways. To conclude, it is obvious for me to understand why
people
 think the century they live in has greater conditions than 100 years ago. The fact that circumstances like medical care, transportation, learning and
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 are better, faster and easier
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the past, makes
this
 phenomenon undeniable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 me.
Submitted by ecemanginn on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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