IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that children should be allowed to choose what subjects they study at school. Others argue that everyone should studythe same subjects. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that children should be allowed to choose
subjects
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others contend that everyone should study the same
subjects
Use synonyms
. I firmly disagree with the latter suggestion because forcing
subjects
Use synonyms
 on students would demotivate them, ultimately, resulting in poor academic performance and employment. First and foremost, students opting into courses of their choice helps them in securing placements, as they are indulging in studies related to their future careers and goals.
Moreover
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,
this
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 enhances their decision-making skills as they are required to understand and choose the right option for themselves at a young age.
Furthermore
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, a pupil is more likely to stay motivated with courses of their interest.
For instance
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, in England, pupils in the 9th grade are provided with options that enable them to focus on topics that are relevant to their future, and
as a result
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 of
this
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, most people obtain their desired jobs.
On the other hand
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, confining an individual to certain
subjects
Use synonyms
 would deteriorate their willingness to learn.
Moreover
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, schooling,
instead
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 of being enjoyable, would be a burden to them.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it would lead to overcrowding in certain job sectors, thereby significantly increasing competition and leaving most freshers unemployed. In India, most parents force their children to become doctors or engineers, and
this
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 ideology of parents has led to mass unemployment across the nation.
Hence
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, limiting options definitely causes more harm than good;
therefore
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, children should be allowed to choose
subjects
Use synonyms
 that align with their interests. In conclusion, I believe that a pupil should be free to select topics that align with their interests, as it helps them to secure placements.
Additionally
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, it
also
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 enhances their decision-making skills from a young age.

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task achievement
The introduction is clear and presents the topic effectively, stating your opinion. However, it could be strengthened by briefly outlining the main points that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
While the ideas presented are logical and generally well-structured, ensure that all points are equally well-developed to enhance the overall cohesion and clarity.
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, but including a final thought or implication could provide a stronger ending to your argument.
task achievement
The essay contains a clear opinion and addresses both sides of the argument effectively, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the situation in England and India, which adds relevance and depth to your argument.
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