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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. what are the reason for this. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #time #activities #hobby #reason #development
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The number of men and women spending their leisure time shopping is remarkably rising, making no space for other hobbies, nowadays.
This
 essay will argue that, despite the financial advantages for the companies, it is absolutely worrying that citizens would rather be in a mall
instead
 of enjoying the beautiful
nature
, outside of the city. In recent years, development in the fashion industry has dramatically improved, resulting in stores moving into high-quality facilities in
an accessible areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
an accessible area
accessible areas
show examples
, preferably
next
 to food courts or a theme park.
Consequently
, both businesses attract more customers, and even some fashion stores are willing to go the extra mile in pleasing the customers by offering them play-area for young children which attracts more families. Primark
for example
 is a very popular clothing and make-up in The UK, where they recently introduced a café as part of their concept. The main benefit of
this
 trend is that people can more easily socialize while shopping at a time when face-to-face interactions are declining due to covid-19 pandemic.
However
, a healthy lifestyle consists of more than a social life and an unlimited intake of fast food.
Firstly
, almost 90 % of the cuisine they serve in the shopping centre restaurants is unhealthy, as it contains a high amount of sugar and salt. Another problem related to the eagerness of shopping
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is the decrease in people's experience
nature
. Psychologists actually recommend that at least once a week, everyone should go out of the city to participate in activities
such
 as hiking or biking, in order to reduce the level of everyday stress and teach children from a young age to appreciate
nature
. In conclusion, In my opinion, despite the positive side of promoting social gathering,
nature
 is more beneficial for physical and mental health,
in addition
 to being inexpensive.
Submitted by Farh on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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