IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Families who do not send their children to government financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that supports universal education. To what extent do you agree .

#families #children #government #schools #taxes #education
It is undeniable that many
parents
 at present have many options in terms of
schools
 to choose for their children
such
 as public
schools
, private
schools
 and international
schools
, resulting in some
parents
thinking
Change the form of the verb
think
show examples
 that if they send their kids to private or international
schools
, they will not pay educational
taxes
 for the
state
 governments. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
 statement for many reasons which will be outlined in the detail in the following paragraph. It is true to say that some families who send their children to private
schools
 may agree with that movement because they claim that they dramatically pay the
money
 for term fees of their children, and why do they pay
taxes
 to
support
 education for public
schools
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Furthermore
, they think that they are buying school supplies and other materials for their kids by themself without supporting the
state
union
 in their country.
For example
,
parents
 are spending the majority
Change preposition
of
show examples
money
 on school uniforms, books, pens and other resources with their own income.
However
, others, including me, disagree with
this
 statement because educational
taxes
 not only
support
 public
schools
 but
also
support
 private
schools
 as well, while it may be a little, compared with government-financed
schools
.
For instance
, students in Thailand in private
schools
 can be supported by
state
 grants in ways of supporting academic subjects.
Additionally
, the
state
union
 will help school owners to reduce a business tax and a land tax,
as a result
, students will not pay
money
 for their tuition fees too much. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with that viewpoint because paying
taxes
 can help the
state
union
 improve the educational systems in the ways of others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 like they can create the public building for learning to younger people ,and they can make some activities to
support
 the cognitive skills of young persons when they have enough
money
.
Therefore
, it is recommended that many
parents
 should pay
taxes
 to encourage their
state
union
 to develop the educational systems because it will be beneficial for their kids.
Submitted by noorjehan.waqar77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: