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Band 5

THE WORLD TODAY IS A SAFER PLACE THAN IT WAS A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, AND GOVERNMENT SHOULD STOP SPENDING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON THEIR ARMED FORCES.

#world #place #years #government #amounts #money #forces
Owing to fascinating development in the field of
arm
Fix the agreement mistake
arms
show examples
 and other
weapons
, the 21st century
safer
Add a missing verb
is safer
show examples
 compared to past
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Maybe
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May be
Correct your spelling
Maybe
show examples
 ten decades ago, in the war, tonnes of people died because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nuclear
weapons
.
However
, somewhere it is important for
civilian
Fix the agreement mistake
civilians
show examples
 and
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 that
government
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to develop as well as should be updated in terms of
army
Add an article
the army
show examples
 and all kinds of
weapons
, which support them to protect the civilians. On the other
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 some individuals believe that
government
 should stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
funding to improve their armed
forces
. So, I strongly agree with the
first
 statement that
government
 have to develop armed
forces
 as much as possible from the
past
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
time
. The
first
 and foremost crucial reason, which
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 my agreement is the past wars. In the past
time
, every
nation
 fought for lands, water,
money
Correct word choice
and money
show examples
.
Second
, before 1940 not even a single
nation
 had that level of technological knowledge that how to protect civilisation
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wars. To explain it, in Hiroshima and
Nagashaki
Correct your spelling
Nagasaki
, the American air
forces
 dropped nuclear
weapons
 on
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
terroteries
Correct your spelling
territories
 and
till
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today’s
time
 the effect
Change preposition
of that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 nuclear virus
is still impact
Change the verb form
still impacts
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new babies,
which one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
born there.
Therefore
, armed
forces
 are the key to
secure
Correct article usage
a secure
show examples
 and safe civilisation.
Moreover
, if the
nation
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong power in terms of
weapons
 and
forces
, it will beneficial for inhabitants as well as it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong sign for that
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
government
 to prove
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 civilians that they all are safe. Recently,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
government
 update their armed
forces
,
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 different types of
weapons
,
Correct word choice
and heavy
show examples
heavy
Replace the word
heavily
show examples
 armed vehicles and bought approximately 47 air crafts, which help them in types of war.
Also
,
weapons
 and other armed materials improve the contact between two
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 as well as it will help them in future conflicts.
For instance
, in 1971,
Russian
Correct article usage
the Russian
show examples
 army and
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of Russian troops helped
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
government
from
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the 1971
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 war and
Russian
Correct article usage
the Russian
show examples
government
 sent their entire air crafts to protect all Indians from the warzone. To sum up, spending money on armed
forces
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 necessity for safety
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 as well as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make the strong
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 nations for
further
 support.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • International Diplomacy
  • United Nations
  • pandemics
  • socioeconomic improvements
  • literacy rates
  • economic development
  • social stability
  • military expenditure
  • deterrent
  • cyber-attacks
  • terrorism
  • biological warfare
  • critical areas
  • well-rounded approach
  • prosperous society
What to do next:
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