More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers, so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both paretns work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, the lifestyle of most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families has been changing significantly. One of the decisions a family has to make is
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
to choose to babysit their
children
. It is argued that
fathers
should take some break from their careers to stay at home and bring up their
children
as it is better for the family. I personally am against the trend that
fathers
take some breaks and take care of their kids. In my opinion,
this
approach contradicts several traditional and financial matters in the family.
First
of all,
fathers
taking a break from their work means the family’s finance is going to be really tight. In most cases, the salary for men is always marginally higher, compared to women. To clarify, if the father stops going to work and earning money, the family’s income becomes lower and that does no good to the family.
Moreover
, the chance for
further
promotion in jobs for men is slightly higher than for women, which helps the family’s long-term financial stability. In my opinion,
fathers
staying at home looking after their
children
and doing household chores, while mothers work for money just does not match up with a traditional image of family. Ever since the beginning of history, the husbands went outside and provide for the needs of the family, while wives took care of the other things in the house. So it is not only an unnatural way of having a family but,
also
such
a lifestyle can be challenging for the males.
For example
, they often have a hard time getting used to staying at home and spending all day with only their
children
. It just is not the nature of
fathers
. All in all, it
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only cause money-related hard times for families that
fathers
stay away from their careers in order to raise their
children
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
also
it is not a suitable way to live for husbands.
Although
it may have some possible advantages, still families should consider other methods to care for their
children
.
Submitted by ET21002ndgroup on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: