Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #governments #support #people #care

There are many different opinions about backing up all retired folk financially. One side believes the authority should

backing

Wrong verb form

back

show examples

them about

this

constantly until they die. Whereas others think that it's their responsibility to take care of themself.

This

essay will address both sides of the discussion and provides a final opinion at the end. Some of the retired population are not able to work due to their medical or physical problems so they can't gain any salaries anymore, so

ministry

Correct article usage

the ministry

show examples

should give a hand by supporting all these

society

Change the determiner

societies

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with

Add an article

the fund

a fund

show examples

fund

Fix the agreement mistake

funds

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. There are several ways to do it, but the best alternative is to send cash to these

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

constantly. It can be monthly, annually or yearly depending on the

Change noun form

politics

show examples

politics's

Replace the word

politician's

show examples

favour.

For example

, providing cash individually to these

community

Fix the agreement mistake

communities

show examples

so they can spend it on supply or maybe invest in some business to gain more income. Eventually, their life expenditure will increase and they can stay with their loved ones longer. On the other sides, It's not worth using the money for

this

. The state can save fund to

backing

Wrong verb form

back

show examples

something else that create more benefits which is public services, so no one will take advantage. All these

population

Change the determiner

populations

show examples

can still receive backing from someone else

such

as friends, family or relatives.

Furthermore

, it's their option that chooses to stop working rather than gain capital, so they should be able to handle

this

problem on their own. In conclusion,

Retirement

Correct article usage

the Retirement

show examples

community can increase their lifespan if they have little financial backing from the authority.

However

, it might not be fair to some groups of folk who work very hard for salaries. Personally, I think it's better if the ministry

backing

Replace the word

backs

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

retired community in a fair way.

Submitted by clint.youngchim on Wed Nov 30 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement
financial support
social responsibility
comfortable and secure
reduces poverty
safety net
limited resources
fairness and equality
personal responsibility
independence
financial planning
saving
burden on the government
control over retirement
economic growth
private investment
combination of approaches

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