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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
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Technology always plays a crucial role in our daily lives.
While
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 the
Internet
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 undoubtedly makes many things easier, it
also
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 brings significant risks in terms of managing and protecting our personal
information
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. I believe that the drawbacks of the
Internet
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 outweigh its benefits.
Firstly
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, the
Internet
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 is a vast resource where anyone can search for nearly anything.
However
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,
this
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also
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 means that people with technical skills can easily uncover private
information
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 about others and use it to cause harm.
This
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 kind of misuse can have devastating effects on a person’s life. There have been numerous tragic instances where individuals have harmed themselves after sensitive
information
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 was leaked by someone they trusted.
Secondly
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, the misuse of personal data isn’t limited to revenge or blackmail. People often share intimate details of their lives on social media, sometimes without realizing the potential risks.
This
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 openness can unfortunately aid criminals in finding their targets. In the past, it was much harder for someone to locate victims, but with so many people active on social networks today, it has become alarmingly easier. Criminals can quickly gather
information
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 about a person's location, workplace, or school, which puts everyone at greater risk. In conclusion, I must say, that the
Internet
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 poses significant dangers that can impact our lives.
While
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 it offers a lot of conveniences and entertainment, we must remain vigilant about safety and recognize that anyone can access the vast
information
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 available online.
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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are fully expanded and supported with examples or evidence to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop smoother transitions between paragraphs for enhanced flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to expand and illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and maintains this position throughout.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is generally well-maintained, with paragraphs addressing individual points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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