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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The ongoing evolution made humankind more curious about exploring outer space and the results achieved were interesting so far.
However
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, people argue whether more money should be spent on
such
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 activities, or whether it's a waste of resources and effort. In my opinion, scientists should double their efforts to reach the desired outcomes. to start, exploration is the key to the technological advancement
that
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is surrounding
Wrong verb form
surrounds
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 us.
initially
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, contacting people was almost impossible and mail would take months to reach from one country to another
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, but today,
due to
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 satellite connections to outer space, we are able to access the internet for communication, study and entertainment.
Moreover
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, scientists were able to land on the moon and
mars
Capitalize word
Mars
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 and explore numerous galaxies where
life
Use synonyms
 might be possible.
nevertheless
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,
this
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 requires intensive research and funding as well. On the other side, these huge expenses could be spent better on improving the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 for citizens around the world.
For instance
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, the yearly death rate among children
due to
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 poverty is around 20%
according to
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 a recent study.
Therefore
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, money can be wisely spent to feed and educate communities in need and funds should be designated toward the elimination of poverty.
In addition
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, medical research should be prioritized to find effective treatments for illnesses and diseases that have been facing humankind for decades.
For example
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,
covid 19
Correct your spelling
the COVID-19
 breakdown led to the death of millions despite all the efforts to find an effective medicine.
consequently
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,
this
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 sheds
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light on the weakness of the medical field and the lack of support and resources.
To sum up
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, there is a debate about spending
further
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 money on space exploration among people. in fact, some believe that it is a vital step in achieving levels of development,
while
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 others think that these resources should be addressed toward improving the quality of
life
Use synonyms
. I believe that spending on scientific research is essential to finding
life
Use synonyms
 outside the earth.

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses both sides of the argument and provides a well-rounded view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, but there is room for improvement in linking ideas more effectively and using a wider range of cohesive devices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • astronomical costs
  • earthbound issues
  • tangible benefits
  • technological spin-offs
  • innovation
  • long-term investment
  • habitability
  • interplanetary travel
  • sustainable exploration
  • spacefaring nations
  • international collaboration
  • deep space
  • the final frontier
  • cosmic perspective
  • frontiers of science
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