More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#fathers #break #careers #home #care #children #wives #work #parents #time

In recent years , the family's position ensures gender equality,

also

there is no role. They usually cooperate with each other on all sides,

such

take care of their own

children

, family compensation, and independence of financial. In an earlier generation, fathers and patriarchy were respected by every family member. They believe that family spirit and fortune

exists

Correct subject-verb agreement

exist

show examples

as a family member of men ,

moreover

Add a comma

,moreover

show examples

firstly

they pour new food and tea. These were Mongolian unique customs, inherited from generation to generation.

Therefore

, because of globalisation, in the new,decade Western cultures spread among young people. It directly influenced our customs. In European people tend to ensure gender equality. In order words family position, male and female people both are similar roles and rights. What is more, they consider that family value exists in their belief

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

to understand and trust each other. In

this

,case modern families have

abolished

Add a missing verb

been abolished

show examples

and only women raise and look after

children

at home.

In contrast

, fathers can take care of their

children

just as well as mothers can.

However

, men's earnings are more likely to be rather than woman's

profit

Fix the agreement mistake

profits

show examples

. Nowadays woman's livelihood not only is equal to men but

also

most of them are independent of finances. On the other ,hand they reach the liberty of financial. All in all, fathers are looking after their

children

which is a common phenomenon. In my view

this

perspective, each family members agree with their situation.

Submitted by ET21002ndgroup on Thu Dec 01 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

243 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Millions of people move to English speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answers

Some people say that the only reason for learning foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn foreign language. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The death penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. To what extent do you agree?

Some people prefer to spend most of their time with friends. Other people prefer to be alone most of the time. Which way of life do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.