More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#fathers #break #careers #home #care #children #wives #work #parents #time

In recent years , the family's position ensures gender equality,

also

there is no role. They usually cooperate with each other on all sides,

such

take care of their own

children

, family compensation, and independence of financial. In an earlier generation, fathers and patriarchy were respected by every family member. They believe that family spirit and fortune

exists

Correct subject-verb agreement

exist

show examples

as a family member of men ,

moreover

Add a comma

,moreover

show examples

firstly

they pour new food and tea. These were Mongolian unique customs, inherited from generation to generation.

Therefore

, because of globalisation, in the new,decade Western cultures spread among young people. It directly influenced our customs. In European people tend to ensure gender equality. In order words family position, male and female people both are similar roles and rights. What is more, they consider that family value exists in their belief

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

to understand and trust each other. In

this

,case modern families have

abolished

Add a missing verb

been abolished

show examples

and only women raise and look after

children

at home.

In contrast

, fathers can take care of their

children

just as well as mothers can.

However

, men's earnings are more likely to be rather than woman's

profit

Fix the agreement mistake

profits

show examples

. Nowadays woman's livelihood not only is equal to men but

also

most of them are independent of finances. On the other ,hand they reach the liberty of financial. All in all, fathers are looking after their

children

which is a common phenomenon. In my view

this

perspective, each family members agree with their situation.

Submitted by ET21002ndgroup on Thu Dec 01 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

243 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threating issues such as global warming. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Studying for Ielts test can be stressful and overwhelming . Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages ?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others belive that some imformation is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Nowadays it is possibe to use computers and moblie phones for automatic language translation, and there is no need for human translators and interpreters. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.