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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#fathers #break #careers #home #care #children #wives #work #parents #time
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In recent years , the family's position ensures gender equality,
also
 there is no role. They usually cooperate with each other on all sides,
such
 take care of their own
children
, family compensation, and independence of financial. In an earlier generation, fathers and patriarchy were respected by every family member. They believe that family spirit and fortune
exists
Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
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 as a family member of men ,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
firstly
 they pour new food and tea. These were Mongolian unique customs, inherited from generation to generation.
Therefore
, because of globalisation, in the new,decade Western cultures spread among young people. It directly influenced our customs. In European people tend to ensure gender equality. In order words family position, male and female people both are similar roles and rights. What is more, they consider that family value exists in their belief
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 to understand and trust each other. In
this
 ,case modern families have
abolished
Add a missing verb
been abolished
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 and only women raise and look after
children
 at home.
In contrast
 , fathers can take care of their
children
 just as well as mothers can.
However
, men's earnings are more likely to be rather than woman's
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
. Nowadays woman's livelihood not only is equal to men but
also
 most of them are independent of finances. On the other ,hand they reach the liberty of financial. All in all, fathers are looking after their
children
 which is a common phenomenon. In my view
this
 perspective, each family members agree with their situation.
Submitted by ET21002ndgroup on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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