Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

During
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working experience, most
people
need to
work
very hard for their future.
This
crisis will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
time
that they take to do the
hobbies
that they
interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
show examples
in the past. There are only a few
people
who give their resting
time
to spend doing
Add an article
the thing
a thing
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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that they like.
This
essay will explain the reason and the effect
on
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apply
show examples
why
hobby
times
are not be
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are not
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popular as same as in the previous.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
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the reason that can represent why there is only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
devote
time
to
hobbies
, there are a
lot
of
people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
that they need to spend a
lot
of money for doing a
hobby
.
Although
there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
alternative
Add an article
an alternative
show examples
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
for workers'
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
, the cost
on
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of
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each
hobby
becomes more and more expensive.
For example
, if you interest to spend
Correct your spelling
your
ypur
Correct your spelling
your
free
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing ice skating and playing some
boardgames
Correct your spelling
board games
show examples
, you will be responsible to spend a
lot
of money on entrance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
and shoe
renting
Replace the word
rental
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
your
Change the pronoun
the
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collective income that you prepare for
using
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
in the emergency case is going to
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
.
Therefore
, the impact
on
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apply
show examples
people
who devote
time
for
Change preposition
to
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hobbies
, they need to
manages
Change the verb
manage
show examples
their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
to become
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
.
Furthermore
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
some
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
that
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
worker
Replace the word
working
show examples
people
which are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress. When
people
grow up, they will face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various
work
depression
Fix the agreement mistake
depressions
show examples
that
accumulate
Change the verb form
accumulates
show examples
and affect
to
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apply
show examples
their mental health.
For instance
, in order to
work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the office, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
lot
of risk
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
that
introduce
Change the verb form
introduces
show examples
increasingly their stress
level
Change the noun form
levels
show examples
such
as workload and toxic
people
.
Thus
, they are suggested to find
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
to remove
work
problems by doing some
hobbies
that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are enjoyable on the weekend. In conclusion,
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
necessary thing that every
people
must have because it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
many
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
to their life, while there are only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
who
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
to spend their resting
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing their
hobbies
.
This
essay explained
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
time
management can cause
people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
hobbies
time
in their life and introduced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health problem.
Submitted by kamolivia13081999 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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