Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

During
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working experience, most
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
show examples
need to work extremely hard for their future.
This
crisis will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
time
that they take to do the hobbies that they
interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
show examples
in the past. There are only a few
people
who give their resting
time
to spend doing
Add an article
the thing
a thing
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
that they like.
This
essay will explain the reason and the effect on why
avocation
times are not been popular as same as in the previous.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
the reason that can represent why there is only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
devote
time
to hobbies,
thereare
Correct your spelling
there are
fields of crowd believe that they need to waste a portion of money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
complete their pastime.
Although
there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
alternative
Add an article
an alternative
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option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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for
workers'
Change noun form
workers
show examples
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
, the cost
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
each
avocation
becomes more and more expensive.
For example
, if you interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
consume your free
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing ice skating and playing
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
board games, you will be responsible
topay
Correct your spelling
to pay
money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
entrance
Correct article usage
the entrance
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
and shoe
renting
Replace the word
rent
show examples
then
your
Change the pronoun
the
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collective income that you prepare for
using
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
emergency case is going to
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
.
Therefore
, the impact on
people
who devote
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
hobbies,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to manage their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
to become
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
.
Furthermore
, there are a number of
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
that cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
worker
Replace the word
working
show examples
people
which are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress. When they grow up, they will face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various job depression that
accumulate
Change the verb form
accumulates
show examples
and affect
to
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apply
show examples
their mental health.
For instance
, in order to work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the office, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
an area of risk
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
that
introduce
Change the verb form
introduces
show examples
increasingly their stress
level
Change the noun form
levels
show examples
such
as workload and toxic society.
Thus
, they are suggested to find
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
to remove work problems by doing a number of
Add an article
an avocation
show examples
avocation
Fix the agreement mistake
avocations
show examples
that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are enjoyable on the weekend. In conclusion,
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
necessary thing that every crowd must have due to the fact it gives many advantages to their life, while there are only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
show examples
who
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
to use their resting
time
for doing their
avocation
.
This
essay explained
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
time
management can cause
people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
diversion
time
in their life and introduced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health problem.
Submitted by kamolivia13081999 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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