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Band 5.5

Many people today, especially in the developed world, are choosing to have fewer children, or none at all. Why is this happening, and do you think it is a good trend? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #world #children #none #trend
Children
 are a joyful gift to parents, but today with globalization a myriad of citizens in developed countries decide not to have babies or to have
one
 or two. I believe
this
 is a negative trend as
children
 are the development of the future of society. The following essay will elaborate on why parents choose
this
 trend and why
this
 is considered negative. To commerce, an abundance of
people
chooses
Correct subject-verb agreement
choose
show examples
 not to have babies or have few because first of poverty and individuals follow different trends
according to
 the societies. Considering poverty, there are a plethora of couples who are unemployed or do not get the desired amount of money from their jobs.
As a result
,
people
 choose not to give
birth
, since in the future the family will face dreadful results with
children
.
On the other hand
, some couples even though they face poverty issues
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
bring up only
one
 or two
children
 so that they do not have to feed many mouths and educate them.
Secondly
, with the development of the luxurious world, there is a new advanced trend that
one
 family should have no more than
one
 child or none because
this
 will affect the parent's inheritance if many
children
 are born. As an example, it is evident that the
birth
 rate of
children
 is 80% lower than compared to the past.
In contrast
, the choices
people
 make will bring dreadful results which are unpredictable. Few
birth
 rates mean there will be negative impacts from nature as well and
people
 have to face numerous challenges.
Moreover
, the population grows old and shrinks which can slow down economic growth and strain government budgets in the future, since the nations need new generations to govern the countries. To exemplify, some countries
such
 as Finland and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 have 25% low
birth
 rates which have created dire situations.
In contrast
,
people
 have made choices not to give
birth
 or limit their number of
children
 because of the low-income rates and well as new changes in Society but little do they know these trends may lead to serious consequences
such
 as natural threats and a gradual
decreases
Fix the agreement mistake
decrease
show examples
 in economic growth.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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Task Response
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the question. Consider providing a more focused introduction that clearly presents your stance on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay would benefit from a stronger structure with clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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