Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Today’s famous

people

Use synonyms

are more famous

thanks

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to their expensive things than for their career and life,

this

Linking Words

fact will

affected

Change the verb form

affect

show examples

a bad for young humans.

This

Linking Words

essay will explain

Correct article usage

the advantageous

show examples

advantageous

Replace the word

advantages

show examples

and disadvantageous

about

Change preposition

show examples

famous

Use synonyms

person

Change noun form

person's

show examples

life. In my opinion, I agree with

this

Linking Words

text, For reason that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

plenty of young

people

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want a lot of money, despite the rewards.

To begin

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with

Add a comma

,with

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the main reason why I agree

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is respect for

popular

Add an article

the popular

show examples

person

Use synonyms

with

this

Linking Words

conclusion, some

people

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that know about life fate, know which cases were of some famous

people

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do not want to experience

such

Linking Words

a fate. A great number of popular

people

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have success

thanks

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strong

Add an article

the strong

show examples

determination and hard work. The world recognized him as special and his popularity.

For instance

Linking Words

, Cristiano Ronaldo,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

very

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a very

show examples

popular football player. He’s fate was hard, but he can

achieved

Change the verb form

achieve

show examples

the goal

thanks

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to desire and hard work. It is very commendable and a few

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person

Change to a plural noun

people

show examples

can do it.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Thanks

Use synonyms

to expensive things it can make famous

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

and raise popularity.

Change the spelling

Behaviour

show examples

Behavior

Add an article

The behavior

show examples

of young

people

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changing

Replace the word

changes

show examples

depending on the main reason of

person

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could become famous. In fact, examples of famous

people

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whom they consider successful encourage them to behave in

this

Linking Words

way when they would like to get rich, rather than doing something that can benefit society. In conclusion, I agree with

Linking Words

first

Change the article

the first

show examples

paragraph, I think a lot of

people

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should know a famous

person

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before for copied

him

Correct pronoun usage

his

show examples

actions for

career

Correct pronoun usage

his career

show examples

or any actions from him. Because it is very important for fans, they can copy their idol and

testing

Wrong verb form

test

show examples

their opportunities.

However

Linking Words

it is not giving

guarantee

Correct article usage

a guarantee

show examples

for good future jobs, and

people

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must understand how to act.

AllazharFri Dec 02 2022

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think that it depends on factors such as money or personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.