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Band 6

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
Today’s famous
people
 are more famous
thanks
 to their expensive things than for their career and life,
this
 fact will
affected
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 a bad for young humans.
This
 essay will explain
Correct article usage
the advantageous
show examples
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
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 and disadvantageous
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 famous
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 life. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 text, For reason that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 plenty of young
people
 want a lot of money, despite the rewards.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the main reason why I agree
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is respect for
popular
Add an article
the popular
show examples
person
 with
this
 conclusion, some
people
 that know about life fate, know which cases were of some famous
people
 do not want to experience
such
 a fate. A great number of popular
people
 have success
thanks
 to
strong
Add an article
the strong
show examples
 determination and hard work. The world recognized him as special and his popularity.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 popular football player. He’s fate was hard, but he can
achieved
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
 the goal
thanks
 to desire and hard work. It is very commendable and a few
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 can do it.
On the other hand
,
Thanks
 to expensive things it can make famous
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and raise popularity.
Change the spelling
Behaviour
show examples
Behavior
Add an article
The behavior
show examples
 of young
people
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 depending on the main reason of
person
 could become famous. In fact, examples of famous
people
 whom they consider successful encourage them to behave in
this
 way when they would like to get rich, rather than doing something that can benefit society. In conclusion, I agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 paragraph, I think a lot of
people
 should know a famous
person
 before for copied
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 actions for
career
Correct pronoun usage
his career
show examples
 or any actions from him. Because it is very important for fans, they can copy their idol and
testing
Wrong verb form
test
show examples
 their opportunities.
However
 it is not giving
guarantee
Correct article usage
a guarantee
show examples
 for good future jobs, and
people
 must understand how to act.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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