Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Today’s famous
people
are more famous
thanks
to their expensive things than for their career and life,
this
fact will
affected
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affect
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a bad for young humans.
This
essay will explain
Correct article usage
the advantageous
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advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
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and disadvantageous
about
Change preposition
of
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famous
person
Change noun form
person's
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life. In my opinion, I agree with
this
text, For reason that
,
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apply
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plenty of young
people
want a lot of money, despite the rewards.
To begin
with
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,with
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the main reason why I agree
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is respect for
popular
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the popular
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person
with
this
conclusion, some
people
that know about life fate, know which cases were of some famous
people
do not want to experience
such
a fate. A great number of popular
people
have success
thanks
to
strong
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the strong
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determination and hard work. The world recognized him as special and his popularity.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
very
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a very
show examples
popular football player. He’s fate was hard, but he can
achieved
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achieve
show examples
the goal
thanks
to desire and hard work. It is very commendable and a few
person
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people
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can do it.
On the other hand
,
Thanks
to expensive things it can make famous
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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and raise popularity.
Change the spelling
Behaviour
show examples
Behavior
Add an article
The behavior
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of young
people
changing
Replace the word
changes
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depending on the main reason of
person
could become famous. In fact, examples of famous
people
whom they consider successful encourage them to behave in
this
way when they would like to get rich, rather than doing something that can benefit society. In conclusion, I agree with
first
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the first
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paragraph, I think a lot of
people
should know a famous
person
before for copied
him
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his
show examples
actions for
career
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his career
show examples
or any actions from him. Because it is very important for fans, they can copy their idol and
testing
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test
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their opportunities.
However
it is not giving
guarantee
Correct article usage
a guarantee
show examples
for good future jobs, and
people
must understand how to act.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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