IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
Nowadays, since
children
 can do various extra activities , they might compete against one another during a race.
However
, in my opinion, they
also
 have the opportunity to cooperate when they stay together. To elaborate, these days, parents allow their
children
 to do any kind of sport they like after they finish doing homework at home.
As a result
, many of them enjoy swimming in a pool while others prefer to play tennis , football or volleyball .
Besides
this
, in case
children
 are very passionate about music, they could play musical instruments
such
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 piano, the guitar or the flute. Admittedly, if someone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 a race, he or she is in competition with others, especially in case he or she wants to obtain the best position.
However
, when
children
 stay together , no matter whether they are at school or in another place, they
also
 need to cooperate with one another.
As a result
, they might make new friends and learn everything their educators teach them sharing their opinion with that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. In conclusion, I personally think that
children
 can learn how to be in competition and cooperate with one another whenever they stay with people of the same age.
Submitted by silviamangioni on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: