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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the internet has brought people closer together by providing access to information and communication. Others argue that it has isolated people and decreased the quality of social interactions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In contemporary times, the
internet
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 has helped
people
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 become convenient in terms of communication,
whereas
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 some
people
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 argue that
this
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 trend may make them isolated. In
this
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 essay, I will illustrate both viewpoints and debate that the
internet
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 might cause to more
people
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 be more lonely unless real artificial intelligence
robots
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 come. On the one hand, current
people
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 are more likely to message immediately because of the
internet
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.
For instance
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, in earlier periods, humans needed to use paper to send information.
Furthermore
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, if needed to message abroad, only aeroplanes and boats were more accessible measures to use.
However
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, by using the
internet
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,
people
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 will not care about these distanced barriers.
Instead
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, they can communicate more instantaneously, even sharing information face-to-face. With these benefits,
people
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 not only communicate more efficiently but
also
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 become more close.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue that the
internet
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 leads to some mental problems, particularly in isolation.
While
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 the
internet
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 can indeed have a face-to-face function, some mental research indicates that the quality of virtual face-to-face is not as same as the reality;
conversely
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, it has a downward trend.
Therefore
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, the phenomenon implies that the
internet
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 cannot truly satisfy
people
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's demands for real communication.
In contrast
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, the
internet
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 results in them becoming more lonely ultimately falling into a vicious cycle. From my perspective, the
internet
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 is indeed to lead to some interpersonal problems. To alleviate
this
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 drawback, creating real Al
robots
Use synonyms
 may be an accessible measure.
For example
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, some technological articles and films have presented that Al
robots
Use synonyms
 can significantly improve some isolated issues, which the
internet
Use synonyms
 cannot solve. As Al
robots
Use synonyms
 have a higher likelihood of being established into semi-humans,
this
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 means that
robots
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 can communicate with
people
Use synonyms
 like real humans.
Although
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 there still are many technical barriers that need to be broken, I believe they will be addressed shortly.
To sum up
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, the
internet
Use synonyms
 can indeed assist
people
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 to communicate rapidly.
Nevertheless
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, certain functions cannot radically help humans, especially in face-to-face communication aspects. To improve
this
Linking Words
 situation, AI
robots
Use synonyms
 may be a reasonable approach.

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positive
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents the two views that will be discussed. Additionally, it introduces your viewpoint effectively. Well done!
task achievement
Your essay presents some good arguments for both sides. However, make sure that each main point is supported by more specific examples and evidence to enhance the credibility of your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the ideas flow smoothly within and between paragraphs by using more varied linking words and phrases. This will improve coherence and make the essay easier to follow for the reader.
positive
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reaffirms your viewpoint. Good job!
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be simplified or rephrased for better clarity and readability. For instance, 'people will not care about these distanced barriers' could be expressed as 'people can overcome these distance barriers.'
task achievement
You have effectively covered both views and given your own opinion, addressing the task requirements thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your points are relevant and well-organized, enhancing the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a strong opinion, providing a satisfactory end to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • geographical barriers
  • social media platforms
  • maintain relationships
  • online educational resources
  • democratized access
  • personal and societal growth
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • face-to-face communication
  • superficial interactions
  • emotional richness
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • mental health
  • social well-being
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