IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence.

#research #characteristics #influence #personality #development #experiences #life
Experiments
proof
Replace the word
prove
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 that the features we are born with have more influence on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
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 personality and growth rather than any experiences we may gain in our
life
.I believe the
life
 episodes which we have gone through are
essential
Correct quantifier usage
more essential
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
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 an individual's character development than the aspects we're born with. Nowadays,people are obsessed with the current society which
control
Wrong verb form
is controlled
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology.
Therefore
,human beings are trying to develop themselves by
depend
Change the verb form
depending
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 on their knowledge.Every individual
gain
Change the verb form
gains
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 their knowledge through maturity.Undoubtedly,the qualities we are born with do not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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someone's evolution.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
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 can be genetically similar to the previous generation's outer looks but,they do not show any similarities
of
Change preposition
in
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 the thoughts and activities they follow.
For example
,
ancient
Change preposition
in ancient
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 times people
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 letters to communicate.In fact, minor social media platforms but,
at
Change preposition
in
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 the present world most of them are using mobile phones whenever they need to express anything.
Finally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 personal occurrences
are
Verb problem
play
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 supreme role
of
Change preposition
in
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 everyone's progress than heredity.
Additionally
,the younger generation
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to become more successful by imitating others.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 celebrities and leaders of a country.In that case, people change their lives gradually to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern social habitats.They learn and observe the struggle in the present and try to work
accordingly
.
For instance
,the one who
use
Change the verb form
uses
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 an
android
Capitalize word
Android
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 phone
is now tries
Change the verb form
is now trying
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 to buy an iPhone.
Last
 but not least, the
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
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 do not follow the rituals which
followed
Add a missing verb
are followed
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 by their elders.They continue their own ways of doing work. In conclusion,the genes we
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 at birth and the characteristics we are born with are not important
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one's
life
's enlargement but, in my opinion,the experiences we may have in our
life
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 the major influence on our personality and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 make the path to success.
Submitted by chathutikasonali on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the influence of characteristics we are born with versus life experiences on personality and development. However, some examples and explanations could be more relevant and well-developed to strengthen the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, but the essay could benefit from better organization and transitions between ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
What to do next:
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