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Band 2

Do you agree or disagree the following statement? The desire for higher status or greater wealth than others is what motivates most people to succeed in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#desire #status #wealth #people #world
It
is often argue
Change the verb form
is often argued
show examples
 that
greater
Correct article usage
the greater
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 affluent or higher social level is more influential than others among people be successful around the world. I totally agree with
this
 statement because they are more factors in terms of
job
 satisfaction and personal fulfilment how much important
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
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wealth for the following reasons The main reason I disagree is that the association between salary and
job
 satisfaction ,
that is
 there is lethal evidence to show that money motivates people yet ,the reality is actually not confidence. There is no exact number people should earn even if the resources were unlimited ,it would be difficult the identify if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
someone is successful. Another point to make is that when employees who focus
to
Replace the word
too
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 much
making
Change preposition
on making
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 money prevent themself to enjoyed their
job
 makes
even
Correct pronoun usage
it even
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 worse for company performers.
For instance
, my cousin used to work overtime and found his
job
 very enjoyable rather than
regular
Add an article
a regular
show examples
job
. The possible explanation to give is that with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time he learnt to do
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
his
Change preposition
to his
show examples
 ability and
you
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 will
successful
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
.
Submitted by altay0527 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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