some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matter(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Raising children is always a matter of debate
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
regarding expressing opinions. People have different views about whether their youngsters should have the opportunity to choose everything affecting their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
or not.
While
this
may lead to some downsides, I believe
this
will enhance their dependence and confidence. On the one hand, some drawbacks will be present by allowing the young people to choose their daily activities including what to eat, to wear and to do as leisure. One of the negative results is that those juniors will develop selfish traits in their personalities leading to their perception that the world is centred around them.
Consequently
, they will not be concerned about others' needs.
Moreover
, when they become adults, they will not be able to face issues where their needs
are exceeding
Wrong verb form
exceed
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the available resources because they learnt as children that they can achieve any wish.
Therefore
, keeping the choice for children can
have
Verb problem
cause
show examples
serious problems.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that a free child who can receive his chosen matters will be dependent and confident which are considered crucial values. Being dependent is one of the most significant life lessons for a junior to learn. To illustrate, he will be autonomous and can improve his abilities without waiting for permission and the opinions of others.
Additionally
, he will gain self-confidence that will boost his abilities in various modern aspects
such
as work.
For example
, an employee who can choose what is suitable for him and for his career will be able to progress steadily and confidently to achieve prosperity after excluding what limits his talents.
Thus
, many individuals suggest that the young should have a voice in every matter.
To conclude
, freeing the voices of young individuals is advantageous but can cause some worse situations,
such
that it is hard to make concrete predictions about the future of different ways of growing up youngsters.
Submitted by drahmedibrahim91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more structured and coherent flow of ideas to improve the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the given topic are addressed, and provide more developed explanations and examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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