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Band 4.5

Stress related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggests?

#stress #illnesses
Many people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend
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tended
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to
Change preposition
apply
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illnesses due to stress and there are becoming
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 common sense in society.Now I think have 2 reasons why humans have more stress than before.
To begin
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with
wtih
Correct your spelling
with
first
 reason is
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 problem nowadays
everyone
want
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wants
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money
 more than before because
money
 can buy most
of
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apply
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things
Add an article
the things
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 in life or create a new lifestyle to
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
buy it and cash can make you go to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 class in
you
Change the pronoun
your
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 community.
For example
,if you spend
money
 to buy a house in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good village that will give you another
communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
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 or feelings because
neighbor
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neighbour
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
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neighbor
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neighbour
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 are gentle and helpful if you have a problem
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 you can call some help
with
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apply
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 and in
Add an article
the village
a village
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village
Add a comma
,village
show examples
 there will have security to save you. The
second
 reason is
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 too much in their career and
Add a missing verb
do no
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 enough
time
 to relax I believe that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 people have most of
Correct your spelling
stress
Add an article
the strees
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strees
Correct your spelling
stress
 than before.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 if
everyone
do
Change the verb form
does
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 a job all
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
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 all
time
 and
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
have
Add the particle
tohave
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relax
Replace the word
relaxation
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time
 there will be like a robot but
our
Change the pronoun
we
show examples
 are human
our
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 can not do a job all the
time
 without free
time
 because I think free
time
 except for
sloved
Correct your spelling
solved
loved
 stress
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make people have creative as well.
Then
, I have 2 solutions for these problems.
First
, the government will make sure the welfare benefit can go to
everyone
 in the country because that can help
everyone
 with their cash problems.
Second
, the government will make sure the companies give enough holidays to all employees in the company. In conclusion,
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the govement
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govement
Correct your spelling
government
 will take
serious
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seriously
show examples
 in nowadays
strees
Correct your spelling
trees
stress
streets
 in the country and solved
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
much
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 there can.
Submitted by Tum01230 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • constant connectivity
  • job demands
  • work-related stress
  • societal pressure
  • achieve success
  • erosion
  • work-life balance
  • exposure
  • negative news
  • social media comparisons
  • chronic stress
  • mental health support
  • stigma
  • flexible work hours
  • stress management techniques
  • mindfulness
  • access to mental health services
  • community support systems
  • emotional support
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