People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #customs #traditions #country

In my free

time

, I love to relax

myself

Remove the pronoun

apply

show examples

by listening to

music

and watching my

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

films. I study all day, so after 7 PM is the only

time

that I can use for myself. I have a smartphone, so I can download a lot of songs from the Internet for free, and I usually listen to them with my headphones. If no one is at home, I will turn on the loudspeakers to have the best experience with

music

, but most of the

time

I only listen to

music

with headphones.

Besides

music

, movies are my

second

biggest love. When I am not listening to the songs, I turn on my computer and watch some of the latest movies on the websites. My parents want me to read books to learn even in my free

time

, but I think I should do what I actually love to make myself comfortable. My leisure activity is drawing and drawing. I enjoy doing

this

because it makes me relaxed and

forget

Change the verb form

forgets

show examples

annoying things in my life. I started drawing and painting when I was 6 years old. And my sister is the person who inspires me to take up

this

hobby. I draw and paint what I see. I use pencils, brushes,

Correct word choice

and chalks

show examples

chalks

Fix the agreement mistake

chalk

show examples

. I enjoy the world with

colors

Change the spelling

colours

show examples

. Drawing and painting make my sadness and unhappiness disappear. I think I will continue

this

hobby in the future.

Submitted by bttha.qn on Sat Dec 03 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

237 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The cost of international travel is decreasing, and so the trend of international tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trend of tourism for countries?

In many countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the Internet?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completly wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. what is your opinion?

The typical teaching situation of a teacher and students in the class will not exist by the year 2050 To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Not mine)

Some parents and teachers think that children's behaviour should be strongly monitored whereas others think that children should be allowed to behave as they want . Discuss both views and give your opinion.