IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#today’s #world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #parents’ #absence
Because of competition in today's world, a lot of parents prefer to go
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work. Some people agree with the statement as they think that children will get more benefits from the extra money earned while others believe
kids
 don't get parental support.
This
 essay will discuss that
although
 children get a feeling of loneliness, l believe it's necessary for them as they will get a good future. On the one hand,
kids
 tend to feel lonely when
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 fathers or mothers go
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work.
That is
 to say, when
kids
 stay home with helpers, they become quiet and bored.
This
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only makes them feel uncomfortable but
also
 inactive and some of them become sick.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 research has proved that babies who stay home and don't get parental support for a long time, end up developing
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 like anxiety or depression.
On the other hand
, providing better education is one of the
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 that young adults may obtain from additional money.
In other words
, schools, institutions and universities are very expensive in every nation
hence
this
 forces
Correct your spelling
caretakers
show examples
care takers
Correct your spelling
caretakers
show examples
 to work
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 income
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 for their
kids
 to study
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 conducive places.
Therefore
, it will enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adults to get a good future and good grades.
For instance
, very many people in
uganda
Change the capitalization
Uganda
show examples
 give testimonies of having got better future
as a result
 of their caretakers working more hours to earn more cash and
this
 is why l support
this
 statement. In conclusion, even though a child gets a feeling of loneliness when his/her family members go to their workplace, ln my opinion l believe that it is beneficial as they get a better life.
Submitted by jmeeme5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income households
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • emotional well-being
  • parental involvement
  • social development
  • extracurricular activities
  • childcare solutions
  • time management
  • career advancement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: