Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, the ministries of education worldwide take a step to add some skill subjects to the
school
to be part of enhancing
children
's abilities and skills in different ways. Some people believe that
art
is a crucial lecture for
children
in
school
while
others believe it is overtime and a waste of
time
for the
children
in
school
.
This
essay will discuss both points of
art
subject and
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
it is important to add
art
to primary
school
.
Firstly
,
art
may develop critical thinking in
children
and make them express their emotions in painting, which will be a step to solve their social problems with these
paints
Correct your spelling
paintings
show examples
.
For example
, the child who has a family issue will draw some sad symbols about his family.
Consequently
, social workers in the
school
can figure out the child who has issues to help him with possible solutions.
Moreover
,
art
lectures will be a joyful
time
for the
children
because they will have the freedom
time
to draw what they feel about themselves.
On the other hand
, some people believe
art
is not important or a waste of
time
for
children
. It could be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
of
time
because it will add to their schedule so they will take much
time
on
school
.
Therefore
, the
children
will hate
school
and they will be stressed because they will have more subjects in the day.
For example
, teachers of
art
will make the
children
some extra activities after
school
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which may make them overwhelmed. In conclusion,
art
is extremely important to the
children
to develop their thinking and make them think out of the box rather than traditional thinking but
also
it will be extra hours for them to add
this
subject on
school
days. In my point of view,
art
is a lovely subject and it will add wonderful things to the
children
to make them more creative in the future.
Submitted by 37sulaiman on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the two sides of the argument effectively, but the conclusion is weak and does not summarize the main points effectively. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence.
task response
You have addressed the task by presenting both views on the importance of art in schools. However, some of your points lack clear development and examples. Focus on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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