IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, the ministries of education worldwide take a step to add some skill subjects to the
school
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 to be part of enhancing
children
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's abilities and skills in different ways. Some people believe that
art
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 is a crucial lecture for
children
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 in
school
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while
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 others believe it is overtime and a waste of
time
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 for the
children
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 in
school
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of
art
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 subject and
if
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whether
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 it is important to add
art
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 to primary
school
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.
Firstly
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,
art
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 may develop critical thinking in
children
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 and make them express their emotions in painting, which will be a step to solve their social problems with these
paints
Correct your spelling
paintings
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.
For example
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, the child who has a family issue will draw some sad symbols about his family.
Consequently
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, social workers in the
school
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 can figure out the child who has issues to help him with possible solutions.
Moreover
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,
art
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 lectures will be a joyful
time
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 for the
children
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 because they will have the freedom
time
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 to draw what they feel about themselves.
On the other hand
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, some people believe
art
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 is not important or a waste of
time
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 for
children
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. It could be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of
time
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 because it will add to their schedule so they will take much
time
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 on
school
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.
Therefore
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, the
children
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 will hate
school
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 and they will be stressed because they will have more subjects in the day.
For example
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, teachers of
art
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 will make the
children
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 some extra activities after
school
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so
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apply
show examples
which may make them overwhelmed. In conclusion,
art
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 is extremely important to the
children
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 to develop their thinking and make them think out of the box rather than traditional thinking but
also
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 it will be extra hours for them to add
this
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 subject on
school
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 days. In my point of view,
art
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 is a lovely subject and it will add wonderful things to the
children
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 to make them more creative in the future.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the two sides of the argument effectively, but the conclusion is weak and does not summarize the main points effectively. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence.
task response
You have addressed the task by presenting both views on the importance of art in schools. However, some of your points lack clear development and examples. Focus on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
What to do next:
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