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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #art #children #school #waste #time
Nowadays, the ministries of education worldwide take a step to add some skill subjects to the
school
 to be part of enhancing
children
's abilities and skills in different ways. Some people believe that
art
 is a crucial lecture for
children
 in
school
while
 others believe it is overtime and a waste of
time
 for the
children
 in
school
.
This
 essay will discuss both points of
art
 subject and
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it is important to add
art
 to primary
school
.
Firstly
,
art
 may develop critical thinking in
children
 and make them express their emotions in painting, which will be a step to solve their social problems with these
paints
Correct your spelling
paintings
show examples
.
For example
, the child who has a family issue will draw some sad symbols about his family.
Consequently
, social workers in the
school
 can figure out the child who has issues to help him with possible solutions.
Moreover
,
art
 lectures will be a joyful
time
 for the
children
 because they will have the freedom
time
 to draw what they feel about themselves.
On the other hand
, some people believe
art
 is not important or a waste of
time
 for
children
. It could be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
time
 because it will add to their schedule so they will take much
time
 on
school
.
Therefore
, the
children
 will hate
school
 and they will be stressed because they will have more subjects in the day.
For example
, teachers of
art
 will make the
children
 some extra activities after
school
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which may make them overwhelmed. In conclusion,
art
 is extremely important to the
children
 to develop their thinking and make them think out of the box rather than traditional thinking but
also
 it will be extra hours for them to add
this
 subject on
school
 days. In my point of view,
art
 is a lovely subject and it will add wonderful things to the
children
 to make them more creative in the future.
Submitted by 37sulaiman on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the two sides of the argument effectively, but the conclusion is weak and does not summarize the main points effectively. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence.
task response
You have addressed the task by presenting both views on the importance of art in schools. However, some of your points lack clear development and examples. Focus on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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