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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays some believe that students should be participating in more team games instead of doing exercise on their own. In my opinion I agree to this statement, because team games help students to improve their collaboration skills and teach them that they do not only have to rely on themselves.

#believe #students #team #games #exercise #collaboration #skills
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Nowadays some believe that
students
 should be participating in more
team
games
instead
 of doing exercise on their own. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
team
games
 help
students
 to improve their collaboration skills and teach them that they do not only have to rely on themselves.
Students
 are often fixated on themselves and do not want to collaborate with others, because they think it would diminish their own success. The reason for
that is
, that teachers often tell their
students
 that if they want to come
further
 in life they have to rely on themselves only.
This
 leads to wrong
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 systems and
offspring’s
Change the noun form
offspring
offspring
show examples
 will feel weak if they collaborate or ask for help.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
 if a student has to
faces
Change the verb
face
show examples
 difficulties
for instance
 in a subject like maths they would rather work it out on their own than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
ask for help.
This
 results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an unhealthy coping mechanism in
this
 field
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
Team
 sports
such
 as volleyball and tennis are the best way to teach youngsters that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
working on achieving something together will feel way better than achieving it alone. These
Team
games
 instruct
students
 better than anyone how to work and rely on others without feeling
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
 or less powerful.
In
Change the preposition
On
show examples
 the
contrary
Add a comma
,contrary
show examples
 it will make them stronger and evolve important personal characteristics. No other sport
such
 as running or swimming could teach those life lessons:
Therefore
 schools should implement more
team
games
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 I by myself experienced that I massively improved as a person when I started to participate in
Team
games
 .I compared it to a time when I was horseback riding and it
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
never gave
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
such
 a great output as teaming up with others In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I believe that schools should implement more
team
games
 as they are beneficial in various ways and will teach
students
 many lessons which are very useful for their life.
Submitted by luisapressl01 on

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