IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays a large number of wild animals are under the threat of extinction. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#animals #threat #extinction
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At present, an enormous of faunas are a risk
to disappear
Change preposition
of disappearing
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 from the planet. The aim of
this
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 essay is to give the relevant causes and how to find the proper solution. It can be foreseen that
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
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 lifestyles extremely affect the growth of faunas. The effect is the huge nonexistence of wildlife.
Firstly
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, humans always hunt them for the food supply. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 people consume too many meat products from the farm they are still hunting creatures in the wild.
Secondly
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, individuals usually do not follow the rules of law. They still built neither houses nor facilities in the forest. Because of that, the wildlife will not have left the area to stay.
Moreover
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, another main reason why wildlife is threatening to risk their soul is natural disasters,
for example
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, fires, flooding, and
hurricane
Fix the agreement mistake
hurricanes
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. That unharmed situation destroys the animals' activity in every stage. Nobody can help faunas and save their life on time. In terms of fixing
this
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 horrible incident, the government should force individuals to follow the law.
For instance
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, if they killed the preserved natural creatures, they have to be in jail for over 20 years.
Then
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, local authorities and the community can set up their own rules to protect the forest. To illustrate, they have to conduct and check the tourists' personal
belonging
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belongings
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 before entering the national park to avoid guns or any suspicious objects.
In addition
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, the public has to raise awareness for protecting fauna life
such
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 as making a campaign on social media, bringing the waste to the specific garbage, and eating only the meat from certified farms.
To sum up
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, humans are the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
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 problem in why animals are going to disappear from the world.
However
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, people with good conscious always know how to protect the flora and the fauna by using strong laws and their own awareness.
Submitted by JuneyPat on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and comprehensive response to the given task. It is important to thoroughly address the reasons for the threat of extinction to wild animals and propose effective solutions in a coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay displays some logical structure, but there is room for improvement in providing a more coherent development of ideas and linking between paragraphs.
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