IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Write a 250-word essay for the topic: More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

#topic #people #drinks #drink
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Nowadays,
people
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 drinking more
drinks
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 with high concenstration of sugar
instead
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 of drinking water.
For example
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: cola, energy
drinks
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 and juice. It seems that those
drinks
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 growing in popularity by a lot of
people
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.The downside by drinking those kinds of
drinks
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 is health problems like obesity and cavities.
Therefore
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people
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 need to get inspirit to
drink
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 something else
instead
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. Firsty, the popularity for the
drinks
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 starts with
ads
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. By reading those
ads
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people
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 become more interested and get motivated to buy the
drinks
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. Especailly, the younger generatie are very senstive for those
ads
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.
Then
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, they see other
children
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 drinking it and they
also
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 want to try it out. Afterwards, there is a change they become interested, and they will buy it more often
instead
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 of healthy
drink
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. To protect the
children
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 the schools can forbid the
children
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 to have those
drinks
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 inside the school. Another solution can be that the
ads
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 are only allowed in adults magazines and around adult tv programs.
Secondly
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, in the store the price on the
drinks
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 are not expensive. It seems that the healty
drinks
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 with the good ingredients are more costly
therefore
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 makes it less interesting to purchase those
drinks
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. The government can help out by invest in healthy products and put extra taxes on the unhealthy
drinks
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.
For example
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: soda
drinks
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 in another taxes group than water bottles.
This
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 way it makes the unhealthy
drinks
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 more expensive.
Thirdly
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, information and education is the key to get
people
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drink
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 less unhealthy, by doin advertisments in magazines and teaching
children
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 what is healthy
drinks
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. By learning what the negative affects are example overweight or bad teeth
people
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 can reconsider to start drinking to much
drinks
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 with sugar. In conclusion,
people
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 like to
drink
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 unhealthy
drinks
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 with a lot of sugar. Try to prevent that
people
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 get healthy problems they to be informed with the risk, and
also
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 the governement can help by making the costs of the
drinks
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 higher and the healthy
drinks
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 cheaper.
Submitted by annemariebloemberg on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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