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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should receive formal training at schools on how to be a good parents in future. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#people #children #schools #parents #future
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
children
Use synonyms
 must receive formal education at school on how to be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good parent
good parents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 in future. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement due to several reasons.
First
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 need to receive the lesson
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to be
parents
Use synonyms
 in the future simply because they have to. One day, these
children
Use synonyms
 will be an adult and have a happy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with their
wife
Fix the agreement mistake
wives
show examples
 and
children
Use synonyms
. Formal training at schools can teach them how to nurture and educate their kids to be the good
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 cruel society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, They can tell their kids to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good manner
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 and at the end of the
day
Add a comma
,day
show examples
 if all kids
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 like
this
Linking Words
, we can live in
this
Linking Words
 world peacefully since all the
people
Use synonyms
 know how to behave properly. In my neighbourhood
for instance
Linking Words
, with the right education given to
parents
Use synonyms
 in my neighbourhood by the government,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
rarely seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have rarely seen
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who did something bad. When they meet an adult, they will respect them
whole-heartedly
Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
show examples
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their skin tone, religion and so forth.
Second
Linking Words
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal training at schools, we can ensure that they get the right lesson from
an experts
Correct the article-noun agreement
experts
an expert
show examples
. So they do not have to learn by themselves
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 watching youtube videos that can
misleading
Change the verb form
mislead
be misleading
show examples
 and produce bad
parents
Use synonyms
 since
know
Change the verb form
knowing
show examples
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 only
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 content to collect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money not to educate others.
In addition
Linking Words
, Experts will know what to give to
children
Use synonyms
 and answer all the questions due to
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 their job on a daily basis.
Hence
Linking Words
,
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
 sure they will get the right material for the
children
Use synonyms
 about it. In conclusion, formal training at schools to be
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good parent
good parents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 is really important if we want to produce good generations in the future. With the lessons given while they are young,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be nailed in their brain and remember
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 forever.
Submitted by matlbert20 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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