IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and expenrience

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care #expenrience
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent decades, more and more old
people
Use synonyms
 chose to live with others in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nursing house. But the hotly debated topic is the government or the family should pay for
this
Linking Words
fee
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, I think the family should pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
fee
Use synonyms
 because of some reasons that I mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, family members have to be responsible for their parents and grandparents. In
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 way of saying, taking care of
people
Use synonyms
 in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 is a tradition and gratitude to them and
this
Linking Words
 can express by paying
Use synonyms
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
nursing
Correct article usage
a nursing
show examples
 house.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, grandparents almost live with their children and grandchildren in the nuclear family, if old
people
Use synonyms
 live nursing home, the family will pay
Use synonyms
fee
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
. Moving on
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
next
Linking Words
 point, if the government have to pay
Use synonyms
fee
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
 for living in a nursing home for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will put pressure on the state budget. It means that the government’s budget is used to pay for more suitable things
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 unemployment benefits, health insurance,
support
Correct word choice
and support
show examples
 for the poor, … To jump to
conclusion
Correct article usage
a conclusion
show examples
, the family should pay
Use synonyms
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
living
Add an article
the living
a living
show examples
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 in the nursing house.
This
Linking Words
 shows the responsibility of the members and reduces pressure on the state budget.
Submitted by trandung09091999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: