IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
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Inveigled by their aroma and the gut’s responsive bleat,
people
Use synonyms
 today have been completely ensnared by their favourite fast-food treat.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 transient decoy comes with its ramifications. The primary causative effect that it causes is a fallacious and unhealthy body mass index of
people
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 owing to their obesity. To
this
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 peddle forth to increase the selling prices of
such
Linking Words
 fast-food products causing health hazards.
However
Linking Words
, I would differ from the viewpoint presented. In the subsequent paragraphs, I shall propound my views on the issue.
To begin
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 with, as is rife, modernization has caused and paved the way for the cornered sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to be educated, empowered, and employable, and with it, more and more working professionals have come along. With more
people
Use synonyms
 entangled in their daily workloads, lesser emphasis has
thus
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 naturally been on cooking the meals at home, and more so, the hoopla of managing both
has
Change the verb form
have
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 certainly been overwhelming and making one feel work like a trojan. In
such
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 a “click and flick” era where a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 may approach their fast-food outlets easily, simply putting a higher price quotation couldn’t ever curb
people
Use synonyms
 from consuming and feasting on junk food. More so, as is found in a survey,
people
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 falling in the bracket of the upper class with an above-average income, are found to be the steadfast consumers of
such
Linking Words
 packaged and unhealthy meals.
Hence
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, as is pretty comprehensible, raising the prices of these eatables wouldn’t make much of a dent in the pockets of
people
Use synonyms
 who may afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 easily. The wages of
people
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 in concomitance to what they could frugally spend would be negligible, even after upheaving the taxes on
such
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 edible items. The striking need of the hour is to make
people
Use synonyms
 more aware of the cataclysmic causes of having
such
Linking Words
 food that might render them extremely unhealthy and frail. Acknowledging
people
Use synonyms
 with the detrimental corollary and pernicious eventualities of having an imbalanced diet and a decrepit BMI may keep them alarmed and watchful of what they are being served or choose to be served with to eat. The health confederations
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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